We are young.

6 more hours to book in.

This week has been a very humbling week.
got my hopes up high, and crushed into pieces.
assumed so many things, and got proven wrong again, again and again.
got reminded of the very lessons I never wanted to forget.

BIC on monday.
Well, it was fun.
hahahaha. GPMG rounds flying overhead, leopard crawling.
well, fun 10 mins.


Got scolded by the SME though.
check clear when i wasn't supposed to.
ah fuck it lah haha.


Preparation for 'Unleash it all' on monday night.
I didn't feel good.
It was the same damned feeling I had during the pre-A level period.
The feeling that we won't make it, that we will screw up and let everyone down.

But it wasn't in my control.
If everyone doesn't give a shit, me trying to push the whole project along with my own might alone won't help at all.

It takes a true leader to continue pressing on, no matter what happens, no matter how dismay the situation.
and well, I keep telling myself that; I know how important it is not to give up, even more so when everyone else has.
But I just felt horrible; like it was reminding me of this period of my life when everything just went wrong.
and I just couldn't press on.

I need to stay strong, sure and stedfast.

Anyway, games day on tuesday.
We lost everything except for hydrochange.
so close to winning tug-of-war and chain of command man.
but oh well.


anyway, we got 2nd for 'Unleash it all'.
which was damn unexpected cause Dragon and Falcon were good and they deserved to be the winners.
but looks like this is another reminder that things will always turn out different from what I expect.
It always does right?


Life works in mysterious ways.


Tuesday night was Drill com prep and Wednesday was Drill Competition itself.
We got second for it. so close to winning it.
And we lost because of one annoying motherfucker who did saluting with arms with the wrong hands.
And we lost best company award because we didn't win drill comp.
so close.

I remember CPT Fong saying that it only takes one mistake for everything to be screwed.
and this is it.
Just that one mistake; so much was at stake.

But whats done is done I guess.

Thursday was re-IPPT.
and i didn't make it.
But oh well, lets wait for my posting then.

Letting the wind bring me around isn't that bad after all.
Why fight against the wind, when you can't?

Recruit's Evening on Thursday Night!
Quite enjoyable, though I wasn't that high.
But it was definitely a night to remember.

Friday was a whole day of company admin time.
didn't even know why we stayed. hahaha.
UMPC out-pro (bye motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrr hahaha feels great to say goodbye to that burden. good riddance)

And there was a leadership talk for the top 30% of the BMT cohort.
well, I had to go for it.

This is when I can say that I made it, and regardless of where I go, I now know that my efforts weren't wasted.
of course, couldn't have done it without my section mates.
I owe it to everyone of them (:

Thanks bros. (:
owe it to all of you.

Anyway, Falcon won best company award.
Well, I think they really deserve it, cause they care about winning.
not like many others who don't give a shit at all.

short bookout this weekend I guess.
didn't have any plans so the past two days were spent at home.

second last book in in 2 hours time.
so cya. (:

Obese.

Lazy to start writing, but I really have to get my thoughts down.

this week has been real slow.
Don't know why either, but I guess its mostly because of unleash it all and ippt.

Crossing my fingers for unleash it all.
I have this feeling that we're going to be fine, but with things as it is now, I think we will screw up big time.
things aren't in my control, so I guess the only thing I can do is pray bout it?
funny how i'm saying this. lol.

didn't do very well for ippt as well.
injured back, fever, well, i'm forever trying to find excuses.

been thinking alot ever since I injured my back.
Accidents happen - you'll never know when they'll happen.
I wanted to make these two years meaningful, and I thought command school was the way to go.
But I guess being a normal man isn't that bad after all.
I can find meaning in other things I do, and I really kinda think being a man is better.
well, still gonna try and clear ippt.
Just want to stay safe these two years.

why did all my motivation and fight go?

I realised that I have a very 'obese' mind.
well, not to generalise, cause I think some of the obese recruits have much stronger will then i have/.
but I give up easily I guess.
not sure if that used to be the case, but doesn't matter, cause thats the case for me now.

I think I'm good at something, and I become complacent and start looking down on others whom I think are not as good.
total scumbag.
and soon they'll catch up with me and I get demoralised and I give up.
serves me right? i don't know.

but well, really lost now.
havn't had time to sit down and sort myself out.
well, I don't know where to start as well, so.. yeah.

anyway, weekends are still fun (:

went kayaking with ms koh and chris last saturday.
cleared my blocked nose haha.
well, need a little getting used to the kayak again.
keep losing control of the kayak. hahaha noobb.
and we saw this big ass jellyfish omg.
and I capsized myself by accident hahaha crap.

next, met up with the guys and watched Prometheus.
the movie was okay only, haha not say excellent or what.
but there was this scene on the operation.. I went wtf wtf WTF hahahah.

Went to Zoo with my sis, bro and cuz last sunday.
Well, it was fun (:
havn't been there for some time so it was nice looking at animals.
though many would argue that we should stop encaging them blah blah blah.
oh well.

16km road march this thursday.
the best road march yet. (:

booked out friday morning and met up with mx later to collect our sgc.
hahaha hung out a little with santosa and dropped by pasir ris for a little while heh.
then had dinner with mx cause robert's friend was going to drive him around.
eh pangsehhhhhhhhh hahaha.

went to help out at APC yesterday.
had been more than a year since i've been at a BB function.
was on car park duty hehehe.

anyway, went out with the other primers (inclusive of chow, jianzhong and bokchong) + ms koh for dinner @ JustAsia hehehe.
And we went to watch SADAKO next.
the movie was... scary at some parts, and quite funny at others hahaha.
luckily I didn't watch it in 3D hahaha.
I should try watching more horror movies eh.
heheh.

anyway, bok's dad sent me back after the movie cause there were no more trains around.
so nice right (: hehe.

had a nice time with choo this morning. (:
well, talked about many things.
hehe.

anyway, this week is gonna be stressful.
BIC + games day + re-ippt.

gonna need all that I've got.

gonna need to resume my plans already.

I need some caffeine.

hello.
2 weeks since the last entry huh.
can't remember much of what happened, everything is going so fast it is all a blur.

1. found out that I actually don't like voicing my dissatisfactions.
in a way it is good, cause I don't complain much, but then I explode when I take too much crap from others without giving them a warning sign.
so yeah, gotta tell others when i am unhappy I guess. haha.

2. There's much more at stake than I thought there was.
I was so childish.
gotta grow up and be more responsible for my actions and decisions.

3. I'm blindly optimistic.
Tend to become complacent and think I can do everything.
but there are physical limits.
one can push them, but not break them.
who did I think i was huh.
of course, I'm not saying we shouldn't try, but have realistic expectations I guess.

muscles will only grow after they are torn and worn out.
so I guess getting a few hard knocks here and there will make me realise important lessons that I must remember.

anyway, field camp was over last week.
I wasn't as bad as I thought it'll be.
well I guess CPT Fong protected us from all the turnouts and etc.

Day 1 was 8km road march (which was alright)
got punished by OC sir himself cause all of us were avoiding the puddles of water along the way.
(haha it was actually quite shiok)
pitched our basha, dug the drainage, and went on to movement in day and night.

Day 2 started with rifle PT which wasn't as bad as I thought would be.
well, it was a little tiring but at least it wasn't shag hehehe.
went on to fire movement to the front and rear, and the day ended with a flashbang demo by encik.

I was selected to be field camp IC on Day 2.
well, was quite happy.
didn't screw up except when the duffle bags were all over the place and 2LT Wei Jing scolded me because of the ill-discipline of the platoon.

"hey you know you don't have to do everything on your own, right?"

well, heard that only the better performing ones get chosen as field camp IC, so better grab the chance.
need to pass IPPT. that 4cm! come'on.

Day 3 was shellscrape.
took a good 4-6 hours digging mine cause my spot was untouched.
haha, oh well. overestimated myself.

"Have you ever wondered, what happens if you die?"

SGT Teck Guan and 2LT Wei Jing talked to us and well, thinking about it made me sad.
There's much more at stake than just me.

so what if I die?
Yes, it is the end of my dreams, but its not the end of the story.
how would everyone who ever know me feel?
what would they be thinking?
what would my family feel?

there so much more at stake.
and I gotta start fighting for all of these.

slept in the shellscrape at night.
haha made myself quite comfortable I guess.
except for the fact that it was wet and cold, it all went well. (haha heng no ant attack)

Day 4 was the fire movement test.
and packed up and proceeded to SIT Test site.

sat down and had fielc cooking.
and the section just talked.
its a beautiful memory i guess.

talked to dominic at night about lots of things too.
about our lives thus far, our plans, what we think of certain issues.
it was a good talk (:
he's a good and wise man.

"Its not only that one year. You'll feel like you are always lagging behind. All your life."

It only takes one mistake.

Sit test?
well, I barely spoke more than 10 sentences each day. (haha die)
but both my missions (as IC and 2IC) were successful.
well, thankful that I got nice assessors. (:

NUS rejected my scholarship application.
well, didn't see it coming, but yeah gotta execute plan B already.
will revise my plans again.

brief summary of this week: (booking in soon and am in a rush of time)

monday was UO.
safety time out (shall not disclose much here) for a few hours.

tuesday - 12km road march.
shoulders did ache a little.

wednesday - got screwed cause of last week.
did eq check at night and got our overdue 1x good one. hehehe.
also rehearsed for GP.

thurursday - PT
AGR sucked.
no motivation at all.
feel lethargic for many PT lessons.
I guess I need something to spur me on.

friday - our platoon had a session with SGT TG and PC WJ about command school.
well, it all sounds interesting.
don't know if I can make it, but I want to.
I have a calling.

need to try harder.

Saturday - RT for half an hour only cause of the rain.
so went back to bunk.
AND LOCKED BRANDON IN HIS BED hahaha.
and once gozilla broke loose, POWDER WAR! SMOKE OUT.
haha epic (:

love platoon 3. (:

kay gotta go.
hee bye!

and thank you for this whole week (:

Biscuit.

well, these 2 weeks have been full of high key events.

our first 6km road march, IMT/BTP (range), Hand Grenade, IPPT.

was short of 4cm to pass ippt for sbj.

but if I don't make it, I don't.

so oh well, here's to the next ippt!

was very down these two weeks, sort of an all time low for this period.

realised how conceited I was.

and realised how far away I was from my goals as well.

don't think nus is offering me a scholarship cause I havn't received any reply.

But oh well, so far no news, so shall take it as good news.

but need to keep my spirits up.

field camp tomorrow.

note to myself:

stay optimistic, don't give up. just a little bit more. bit by bit. hang in there. just keep trying. be disciplined, control myself, and help everyone else.

alright, so, do the best you can, no regrets, stay happy.

thats all I want from myself.

rife, buddy and me.

"I will do today what others won't, so that I can do tomorrow what others can't." 

- Lester

This week was fast, but i'm really not sure why it was so damn long.

felt like forever man, just that it was enjoyable ^^ hehehe

1. week full of fire.

fire near tekong island, fire at apache/broncho audi while we were there, and that false fire alarm on sunday night at 1am (which we all thought was another damned turnout haha)

all of us rushed down with our helmets and fire extinguishers and fell in, and went to coy line office.

sgt kuanjie was sleeping inside, and when we woke him up he had that FML face haha damn funny.

and falcon was like "f***ing false alarm go back sleep" hahahaha.

but it was fun, just that it made everyone tired the next day.

2. IPPT on wednesday.
pull up status: 4.
improving fast, hope to reach 5 by next week!

sbj status:203
improving but not fast enough!
come'onnnnnnnn.

situps: 29
fail haha knn f**** shit wth
need to train again #sian hate situps

shuttle run: 10.5s
could have been 10.2, need to be a little faster

2.4km run: 10:53min
yes, touched 10mins, next aim is 10:20min

well need to work alot harder I guess.
rawr.

3. scorpion time this week! (oh ask me why I call free time scorpion time. please)
lots of periods i guess, haha damn shiok.

4. SOC lesson 1.
can clear low rope, yet to try low wall, but all is good (:

5. IFC
damn freaking fun.
but can forsee getting trashed by the sgts with our current performance haha.

6. New recruits came in this week!
saw some people I know in school 1 and 2 hahaha.
but so pissed cause the platoon keeps singing the bookout songs infront of them which I think was stupid behaviour.
being in the army is not an excuse for us not to think about other's feelings and morale.
but they just can't stop so.... sigh.
anyway, looking forward to pop-ing with them!

7. Dominic sat down and told me, that I am too helpful.
well, its not a bad thing totally, but he said that firstly, he doesn't want me to get worn out, and secondly, when I help others, I expect others to help me as well, and most of the time I don't get that help I want and it affects my morale.
and I was shocked cause he totally read me like a book.
so I guess I got to keep my expectations of others in check.
but with other people not being proactive, how can I not volunteer to do stuff?

7. well, shalln't talk about this one.
just that sometimes things happen.

gonna talk to the commanders and try and find a solution for this one.
but it happened right in front of me, and I could do nothing to stop it.

sigh oh well, things happen.

k thx bye gonna sleep and book in tmr.
haha well this is army life HAHA.

next week gonna be exciting!
Markmenship training (both computerised and real range), 6km road march in long 4, Urban ops (which is likely to be postponed or suspended due to the many accidents that has been happening)

and of course, college day (going to see the teachers!), FoS open house (which I don't think I'll be going cause of college day), and dental checkup (aww fml)

then its one bookout and fieldcamp.

gotta be mentally prepared.

go go go.