Take Care, Take Care

I used to leave no notification unchecked - Whatsapp, messenger, email, whatever. But ever since the passing of XXX, I've stopped checking or carrying on conversations as much. I've stopped promptly replying to things. I've left more things hanging and unattended to. I've stopped doing a lot of things that would ideally provide any form of catharsis. I've stopped writing or taking care of my artist or really, myself. I've stopped doing anything remotely creative. I turn up for things as planned, and submit work that is necessary. I don't know what to do in social situations. I've never really known how to make small talk, and I'm even worse at it now. I actually really am an internal ball of anxiety on a day-to-day basis. I feel big emotions within me that sprint very quickly from one to another. From anger to grief to jealousy to immense joy and back down to absolute loneliness. Other times, I generally just feel a sense of disconnect. And maybe all these has something to do with their passing and maybe it doesn't. And that's okay, I'm working on it. Somehow.

Let's do better.

Its hot as hell today.

Been reflecting on the past semester, and to be honest, I feel a tinge of regret about how things actually turned out.

The things I regretted were mostly academic, like how I didn't write my report for SP3172 properly, or giving a shit about PC2130 (QM) or SP3175 (The Earth).
But I guess I wouldn't have had the motivation to do so even if I went back in time.

This semester has reflected a general lack of self-discipline in my life, and I realise that I really need to get my shit together HAHA.

But I guess its okay; that we all slip sometimes and we lose our purpose along the way. What matters is that we find it, and we carry on. Feel strangely re-energised after everything ended, and I'm really looking to the next semester.

On another note, I've been thinking about how isolated I've been feeling recently, and that I'd actually be very lonely without Booraya. I suppose I have other friends, but everyone is busy with their own lives and I don't really want to burden them with my emotional baggage haha. I'd give alot more to be able to spend time with them, but I don't wanna get clingy. Because things never turn out well when I get clingy.

But nvm, need to focus. For now, its damage control for this semester, and lets do better for the next sem :)

Lets go :)