Seeing is not believing, but believing is not seeing.

The past week sucked a lot.
Homework deadlines projects pimples angst helplessness.
Suck it up, this will not kill me, grow stronger.

Madi Gras was quite a disappointment.
I felt damm sucky as well. well because of the exco thingy but its alright I guess.
I don't feel alright but there's nothing I can do, right?
They asked me not to read too much into it but I guess they'll think the same way as me if they were in my position.

Upon reflection, I realised that I need better time management and a lot more self-discipline.
Discipline is key.

Just woke up from a 6 hour nap.
Feel so sleepy now.

Anyway, parade today was normal?
The boys, as normal, aren't performing up to standards, but I guess I can't blame them for it.
Who then, should shoulder the blame for the decline of singaporean youths?
LOL GP.

I feel lonely but its alright. haha.

Anyway I decided to sit in for CE lesson today, and that actually served as a reminder.
A reminder about one of the very fundamentals the Christian Life - faith.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for,
and being sure of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1 NIV

When we want to rest, do we check if the chair is stable before we sit on it?
When we are hungry, do we check if the food our mother cooks is poisoned?

No, we don't.
And why don't we?
its because of faith, isn't it?

Do we trust God enough to let Him satisfy our needs?
Do we have enought faith in Him, to let Him solve our problems?

Its a totally different level of faith.

Without faith, it is impossible to please God.
Without faith, we are denying ourselves of Him.

Without faith, we will die.

Faith is oxygen for the spirit, for our spritual lives.

This lesson spoke to me so strongly.
I don't really know why.
But thank God. haha.
I really needed that.

So all I guess I can do, is to have a little more faith in myself, my abilites, but have a lot more faith in what God can do.

Kay Bye I'm going to sleep now haha.

This sucks.

Its the holidays, but the emotional burden is still there.
Its not the workload.
I don't really care about work because it comes and goes.
Gotten used to it already.
But the emotional burden is always... there?

I don't know what causes this weird feeling though.
Time to reflect.

Whats with all of this fucked up shit?

ARGH.

You're the one with the problem, not me.

I'm angry.
I'm fucking angry.

I'm fucking angry with you, asshole.

You're sick.
Yes you.
You are sick in the mind.

Curse of Curves

I need people to stop being so superficial and individualistic.
please, I just need everyone to stop being stop being this shallow.
I know I judge as well but I need a break.

Undue assignments!
Busy week ahead.

Have a little more faith.

"Don't say "God, I have a big problem." Say "Problem, I HAVE A BIG GOD."

No problem is too big for Him :)

I don't know what to name this post even though I had a name for it and it slipped my mind.
oh, actually I remember it now haha.

Anyway a little update.

Sent Emmeline off at the airport on Saturday.
Haha have a safe and fun trip! :)
Bon Voyage.

My Journey to Changi Airport was funny. haha.
I wouldn't want to describe my journey in too much detail but in summary I took 27 from my house to the airport (Joshua only told me that they were on their way to changi airport at 9 and I live in Hougang!?) and I missed terminal one cause it has no number at the bus stop and I didn't know it and the next thing I knew I was outside the airport already and I had to run in to the airport from outside and I reached terminal one insead of two and had to run to terminal one.

No Zuhair its not a sad drama show where the male lead misses the female lead by seconds.
and my 2.4km timing (ran today and it made me awfully tired haha) didn't come out as well as I expected it to be ): haha. oh well :)

ouch. was panting like mad hahaha but it was damm funny.
exciting yet nerve wrecking at the same time haha.

Anyway after emm went in, the peeps stayed for a while and went home, leaving martin, vivi, dylan and me.
We proceeded to macs where I dranks a mango smootie which actually caused me to burp.
I still havn't stopped burping today.

we then cabbed and I stayed over at dylan's house.
haha his house very cool ^^
His dog was scary though ):

We talked for quite a bit. haha.
We played rock band and I got owned flat.
sianzzzz.
music notes haha.

Sunday was supposed to be spent rushing homework but I slept instead.
which means I have a lot of work to clear. haha.

Anyway, today was such a perfect day.
I couldn't have asked for anything more :)

My Secretary husting for guitar exco went quite well I guess :)
There is still the Vice-President hustings zzz haha hope everything goes well :)

Anyway I really need to survive this week.

Wednesday - Physical Geography test
Thursday - Mathematics Test
Friday - Chemistry Test

Not forgetting that I have guitar on Monday (today), Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
I like guitar but isn't this a little bit too much? =X haha :D

Human Geography Project presentation on thursday!
Jia you Jia you!

GPP on alert!
need to jiayou for it :)

Anyway, I spoke to Ms Wong Ying Ying about my guitar and BB comittments and she has agreed to let me go all out during the december holidays :)
haha thank you for being so understanding! :D
I thought she'll be intimidating but she was real nice.

Today was such a nice day :)
I want a better tomorrow! :D

Jia you Jia You! :D
Don't lose hope.

Louder than Thunder

What would it take,
For things to be quiet,
Quiet like the snow?

And I know, this isn't much,
But I know, I could,
I could be better,

I dont think I deserve it, selflessness,
Find your way into my heart,
All stars could be brighter,
All hearts could be warmer,

What would it take,
For things to be be quiet,
Quiet like the snow?

Are we meant to be empty handed?

I know, I could,
I could be better!

I don't think I deserve it, selflessness,
Find your way into my heart
All stars could be brighter,
All hearts could be warmer,

What would it take for things to be quiet? (Find your way into my heart)
What would it take for things to be quiet? (Find your way)

What would it take for things to be quiet?

Will it ever matter?

Just got back from the bank to do my stuff.
and I just realised how easily money flies away.
I was just shopping for groceries?

There are so many thoughts bombarding my brains that the telebubbies are threatening to fight world war three with captain underpants.

I really need to calm down and clear my mind.

I just realised how busy I'm going to be for the next half of the year.
especially during december holidays lol.
I just realised how busy I am going to be for next year as well.

Time for some time management.

My mind is preoccupied with so many thoughts that I don't really know which one i should start with.
But forget it i'm not going to try to say it and i'm going to keep everything to myself until i explode one day because 20 years down the road these things won't ever matter.

Okay.
Tutorials.

No more facebook.

Tell me everything.

Just one more hour
and I'll know the truth that separates the right From all the wrong feelings that
You have about me your grace is distracting me

White out the memories
of each sarcastic shot you took at me
With your hurtful tones and biting melodies

Just one more outburst
and I'm leaving you like you left me one year ago
and I know that this could never be an apology from you

A meaning buried
under shuttered breathing
Its taking too long for me to spit it out

Tell me everything will be alright
Close your eyes and dream of me tonight
Tell me that you won't just fade away
Cross my heart and hope to die tonight I'll dream my pain away

I'll let the lack of words speak for me
the way I am I can't express or understand
I'll take the time now to make you see

I see through your lies, they're bleeding from your eyes.

You start by doing the hardest thing: You forgive yourself.

I can't.

Airplanes.

A sudden flux of thoughts just invaded my mind.

This is so irritating.

I'm like happy upset and pissed all at the same time.

Idk why but Hayley Williams is being featured in a lot of songs these days.
I wouldn't be suprised if she broke off from paramore one day to pursue her own singing career. LOL just like how Craig Owens left Chiodos.
Paramore will definitely disband when that happens. haha sad life.

okay forget it i'm pissed.
IDK why i'm pissed though.

okay work.

I have a very bad memory.

I've been on the com for sometime now.
Time to write something? haha.

This week was mad. rushing homework. haha.

Friday (yesterday) was HELL. Seriously.
PE + PI + GPP + Geog Test + Guitar (day) Camp.
MAD DAY.
haha quite tired.

oh well.

Guitar Camp has taught me a few things, but I shall type a few that I remembered.

1. Communication is Key.
2. Respect for each other's feelings.
3. Words of encouragement can mean so much.
4. Take more initiative. Its fun ^^
5. Just do what you think is right.

But this camp has made me realised that deep down, I am a very self-centered person.

I might encourage everyone, but its only when I'm okay.
When I'm tired, the only person I'll care about is myself.

and that made me realise that after stepping into tjc, I became a very selfish person.

I read some blogs just now and they all spoke of how they missed secondary school life and the post-O level period.

I don't know why, but I don't really feel that way.

I like tjc perfectly fine. I like school.
Even though life may suck once in a while I still love tjc.

I might miss zhonghua once in a while but I don't look back.
maybe because I have nothing to look back on, being the subconsciously depressed person I was.

In tjc its different; I have so much to look forward to.
And that made me happy. Too happy for my own good.

Because I used to be sub-consciously depressed all the time, I wanted to be happy.
And I made the effort to be happy.
I started doing things that made me happy.
However, in the process, I forgot about other people's feelings.
I did what I wanted so that I could be happy.
I didn't think of how I could make other people happy; not anymore at least.

Time to reflect.

On a brighter note, guitar camp was memorable. haha.
Only a saddist like me would think its fun. haha.
got kick lah, too much kick lol.

Oh, and Bagus came up to me and asked if I was from house comm.
haha it was quite funny lol.

Anyway, I have a lot of things on hand. (I need to be more organised. seriously. lol)

Prize Giving Day on 21 May 2010 @ ZHSS
I'm awarded the School Alumni Comittee Individual Award for outstanding CCA lol.
see who else is going, before I decide. teehee ^^

Leadership Development Course 2
I'm going to LDC 2 as a trainer!
I still remember how Joel lim, Zihui and me were the 3 best trainees haha.

Trainer's course on 22 May 2010.
LDC 2 Camp on 5-6 June.

Youth Leadership Conference
YLC on the 18-20 June 2010 @ NUS.
lots of preparation to do.
But I hope it'll be beneficial for pw! ;D

Christian Citizenship Course
Its on 7th August.
Not very soon, but I'm just putting it here as a reminder. haha.
I have a very bad memory.
and I just realised that it falls on the National Day longweekend.
yay ^^
haha won't scared no time do homework.

Of course, there're's still Guitar Club EXCO!
teehee ^^

anyway, I have a lot of homework on hand too.

GPP
Chinese worksheets + reflections (walao)
Maths
Physics
Chemistry
Human Geog project + Physical geog project + Human geog workbook.
(I'm dead I havn't touch human geog workbook at all. Mr elwin is taking over again and he is gonna skin mee.. ]: )

okay I'm tired.
shall go sleep^^.
teehee ^^

hope, dangles on a string.

We’re all just silly teenagers wasting our thoughts on nonexistant problems. We listen to the music that pitchfork tells us to. We pretend to care how people are. We look for constant escapism from the mundanity that we call existence. We all want to do more than exist, to feed our ever expanding egos. We are all deluded.

This is seriously fucked up.

why did my chances have to be wasted?
why why why?

this shit sucks.

After reading something on someone's blog, I've come to a conclusion that we all have our own beliefs.

or maybe I should use another word instead?
Its like, everyone has a vision or belief very close their heart that they'll stand by it no matter what happens.

And I still havn't started on chinese compo. hahaha.
really don't know how to start it ):

haircut.

1) I look like a coconut now.

2) I have so many things to do, so much homework to finish,

3) I don't have enough time.

4) I just want to listen to some screamo and die.

5) I need to talk to someone, anyone.

6) I am terribly worn out, exhausted, and uninspired.

7) I need to be a little more optimistic about my life.

8) I know that number 7 won't work though.

9) I need something to munch on.

0) I am slowly dying inside but no one really cares.

God, I need you.

worn out.

"Depression is so close to addiction. It becomes easier to feel bad than happy. Being happy is hot water on cold toes. It’s harder to be happy because it requires effort and going out of our way. Being upset is easy because it’s the norm. It’s almost a comfort. And it is hell too. It doesn’t feel good. But still. It’s easier than being happy."

I'm tired.

I don't want to pretend to be happy when I'm really not.

I just want to sleep in bed forever and not wake up.
its better than dying a tragic death, right?

I have so many things I want to accomplish, so many things I want to do.
But even the thought of seeing you again can't save me.

I realised that I am very stubborn.
But heck that. I'm tired. I want to stay true to my ideals.
just let me.

i'm going to bathe right now, and I'm going to sleep.
thats it.

I'm tired.