Obese.

Lazy to start writing, but I really have to get my thoughts down.

this week has been real slow.
Don't know why either, but I guess its mostly because of unleash it all and ippt.

Crossing my fingers for unleash it all.
I have this feeling that we're going to be fine, but with things as it is now, I think we will screw up big time.
things aren't in my control, so I guess the only thing I can do is pray bout it?
funny how i'm saying this. lol.

didn't do very well for ippt as well.
injured back, fever, well, i'm forever trying to find excuses.

been thinking alot ever since I injured my back.
Accidents happen - you'll never know when they'll happen.
I wanted to make these two years meaningful, and I thought command school was the way to go.
But I guess being a normal man isn't that bad after all.
I can find meaning in other things I do, and I really kinda think being a man is better.
well, still gonna try and clear ippt.
Just want to stay safe these two years.

why did all my motivation and fight go?

I realised that I have a very 'obese' mind.
well, not to generalise, cause I think some of the obese recruits have much stronger will then i have/.
but I give up easily I guess.
not sure if that used to be the case, but doesn't matter, cause thats the case for me now.

I think I'm good at something, and I become complacent and start looking down on others whom I think are not as good.
total scumbag.
and soon they'll catch up with me and I get demoralised and I give up.
serves me right? i don't know.

but well, really lost now.
havn't had time to sit down and sort myself out.
well, I don't know where to start as well, so.. yeah.

anyway, weekends are still fun (:

went kayaking with ms koh and chris last saturday.
cleared my blocked nose haha.
well, need a little getting used to the kayak again.
keep losing control of the kayak. hahaha noobb.
and we saw this big ass jellyfish omg.
and I capsized myself by accident hahaha crap.

next, met up with the guys and watched Prometheus.
the movie was okay only, haha not say excellent or what.
but there was this scene on the operation.. I went wtf wtf WTF hahahah.

Went to Zoo with my sis, bro and cuz last sunday.
Well, it was fun (:
havn't been there for some time so it was nice looking at animals.
though many would argue that we should stop encaging them blah blah blah.
oh well.

16km road march this thursday.
the best road march yet. (:

booked out friday morning and met up with mx later to collect our sgc.
hahaha hung out a little with santosa and dropped by pasir ris for a little while heh.
then had dinner with mx cause robert's friend was going to drive him around.
eh pangsehhhhhhhhh hahaha.

went to help out at APC yesterday.
had been more than a year since i've been at a BB function.
was on car park duty hehehe.

anyway, went out with the other primers (inclusive of chow, jianzhong and bokchong) + ms koh for dinner @ JustAsia hehehe.
And we went to watch SADAKO next.
the movie was... scary at some parts, and quite funny at others hahaha.
luckily I didn't watch it in 3D hahaha.
I should try watching more horror movies eh.
heheh.

anyway, bok's dad sent me back after the movie cause there were no more trains around.
so nice right (: hehe.

had a nice time with choo this morning. (:
well, talked about many things.
hehe.

anyway, this week is gonna be stressful.
BIC + games day + re-ippt.

gonna need all that I've got.

gonna need to resume my plans already.

I need some caffeine.

hello.
2 weeks since the last entry huh.
can't remember much of what happened, everything is going so fast it is all a blur.

1. found out that I actually don't like voicing my dissatisfactions.
in a way it is good, cause I don't complain much, but then I explode when I take too much crap from others without giving them a warning sign.
so yeah, gotta tell others when i am unhappy I guess. haha.

2. There's much more at stake than I thought there was.
I was so childish.
gotta grow up and be more responsible for my actions and decisions.

3. I'm blindly optimistic.
Tend to become complacent and think I can do everything.
but there are physical limits.
one can push them, but not break them.
who did I think i was huh.
of course, I'm not saying we shouldn't try, but have realistic expectations I guess.

muscles will only grow after they are torn and worn out.
so I guess getting a few hard knocks here and there will make me realise important lessons that I must remember.

anyway, field camp was over last week.
I wasn't as bad as I thought it'll be.
well I guess CPT Fong protected us from all the turnouts and etc.

Day 1 was 8km road march (which was alright)
got punished by OC sir himself cause all of us were avoiding the puddles of water along the way.
(haha it was actually quite shiok)
pitched our basha, dug the drainage, and went on to movement in day and night.

Day 2 started with rifle PT which wasn't as bad as I thought would be.
well, it was a little tiring but at least it wasn't shag hehehe.
went on to fire movement to the front and rear, and the day ended with a flashbang demo by encik.

I was selected to be field camp IC on Day 2.
well, was quite happy.
didn't screw up except when the duffle bags were all over the place and 2LT Wei Jing scolded me because of the ill-discipline of the platoon.

"hey you know you don't have to do everything on your own, right?"

well, heard that only the better performing ones get chosen as field camp IC, so better grab the chance.
need to pass IPPT. that 4cm! come'on.

Day 3 was shellscrape.
took a good 4-6 hours digging mine cause my spot was untouched.
haha, oh well. overestimated myself.

"Have you ever wondered, what happens if you die?"

SGT Teck Guan and 2LT Wei Jing talked to us and well, thinking about it made me sad.
There's much more at stake than just me.

so what if I die?
Yes, it is the end of my dreams, but its not the end of the story.
how would everyone who ever know me feel?
what would they be thinking?
what would my family feel?

there so much more at stake.
and I gotta start fighting for all of these.

slept in the shellscrape at night.
haha made myself quite comfortable I guess.
except for the fact that it was wet and cold, it all went well. (haha heng no ant attack)

Day 4 was the fire movement test.
and packed up and proceeded to SIT Test site.

sat down and had fielc cooking.
and the section just talked.
its a beautiful memory i guess.

talked to dominic at night about lots of things too.
about our lives thus far, our plans, what we think of certain issues.
it was a good talk (:
he's a good and wise man.

"Its not only that one year. You'll feel like you are always lagging behind. All your life."

It only takes one mistake.

Sit test?
well, I barely spoke more than 10 sentences each day. (haha die)
but both my missions (as IC and 2IC) were successful.
well, thankful that I got nice assessors. (:

NUS rejected my scholarship application.
well, didn't see it coming, but yeah gotta execute plan B already.
will revise my plans again.

brief summary of this week: (booking in soon and am in a rush of time)

monday was UO.
safety time out (shall not disclose much here) for a few hours.

tuesday - 12km road march.
shoulders did ache a little.

wednesday - got screwed cause of last week.
did eq check at night and got our overdue 1x good one. hehehe.
also rehearsed for GP.

thurursday - PT
AGR sucked.
no motivation at all.
feel lethargic for many PT lessons.
I guess I need something to spur me on.

friday - our platoon had a session with SGT TG and PC WJ about command school.
well, it all sounds interesting.
don't know if I can make it, but I want to.
I have a calling.

need to try harder.

Saturday - RT for half an hour only cause of the rain.
so went back to bunk.
AND LOCKED BRANDON IN HIS BED hahaha.
and once gozilla broke loose, POWDER WAR! SMOKE OUT.
haha epic (:

love platoon 3. (:

kay gotta go.
hee bye!

and thank you for this whole week (: