Monday, December 30, 2013

I wish you enough.



Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. 
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:"I love you and I wish you enough.
"The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." 
They kissed and the daughter left.
The mother walked over to the window where I sat.
 Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.
I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" 
"Yes, I have," I replied. 
"Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?"
"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.
When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." 
May I ask what that means?" 
She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." 
She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. 
"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". 

Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger
.I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

She then began to cry and walked away.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person. 
An hour to appreciate them. 
A day to love them. 
And an entire life to forget them.

I wish you enough.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

I'm afraid I'll forget.

Its been a while since I wrote something substantial here.

Happy 20th Birthday to myself I guess. hahaha.
Its been long. The past decade has seen so many changes. I knew time will pass, but it feels strange looking back.

Time works in a strange way - Like our actions and thoughts, moments don't seem to count until we put them together.
That is when one actually sees a bigger picture - the sum of the choices we made and the path we took.
Something like the mechanics of a particle and the path it traces out as time flows.

So many things happened during this 10 years, and even though I find myself changing so much so quickly, I think I will pretty much stay rooted to some insights that I have gained these ten years. (mostly insights that I have developed the past two years)

1. Truth that is founded on weak foundation will crumble easily. Have good thought habits - especially Integrity. Do not deceive yourself - you are the easiest person to cheat. Think for yourself.
2. Be curious. Question everything and accept nothing at face value. It'll bring you to many places. It may not be where you want to be, but it is where you should be.
3. Stay grounded in reality. (Of course, question what reality is first!)
4. Treat all ideas seriously, until proven absurd. Have the luxury of changing our minds. Suspend judgement until we have enough evidence, and change our minds if new evidence emerges.
5. Everyone has a common goal. Unite, and not divide. We are all connected; we are all one.
6. Say what you mean and mean what you say. 
7. Do as you want others to do.
8. Do not waste time.
9. Understand and appreciate diversity.
10. Above all, be kind. People may hurt you but always remember that everyone will hurt us. It is only a matter of who is worth it.


Thank you everyone who have impacted me the past 10 years.

6/8 friends, especially Aaron Liew, Aaron Kua, Jasmine, Huihui, Hui Mei, Joscelin, Evangeline, WeiFong, WeiYi, Cai Zijian, Ang YanLin, Lanxin. (and many others)
Our friendship was innocent, and it was real. I really thank you guys.

PPS Choir. It was fun with you guys.
SYF 2004, Bangkok, and the many other performances I've had with you all.
It was amazing to be able to sing in front of so many people at different places.

Advanced Friends - Gerald, Eng Han, Aik Meng and Zaff.
You guys are the best. I didn't make it to RI or Anderson, but it was the warmth you guys gave me that paved the way for many more friendships.

BB48th Coy. You guys have shaped me into who I am today. I am thankful. From a fat and depressed boy, you guys have helped me struggle. And though I did many things wrong, I'm glad that I made those mistakes then. To Officers and seniors, thank you for coaching me and helping me be more confident. The change was based on my own effort, but I wouldn't have done it without you guys spurring me on.

Bad Boys -Zihui, Joel, Chinhow, Benjamin, Melvyn, Titus, Jiajun and Puvan.
Thank you all for tolerating my nonsense all these years. (HAHAHA I don't think you guys have a choice either hahah)

ZHSS Choir. To be really honest, I loved my time there in sec 1 and 2 cause of the seniors.
Thank you batch of 2007 and 2008 for everything. Xinlin, JiaNee, Christopher, Mingying and Sylvia.
Jaslyn, Shiling, Cheeyew, Shaohan, Huibing,  All of you have been very kind to me.
Sec 3 and 4 was mostly full of awkward moments. But I'm thankful for everyone who pulled through with me. Sze Neng, Charlotte, Leona, Bridget, Junjie, Renjun, and the juniors - Luoting, Weining and Desmond,

Bus 82 gang. :)
From singing at the back of the bus to talking cock (which I would now consider unruly behaviour hahaha), I thank you guys for everything. It was good fun.

e5 friends - Cherpeng and Jaime. You guys have taught me an important lesson on regret. I wish you guys all the best for your lives ahead.
e5 - taught me that many things are beyond our control. I was so much of a control freak back then. Thank you for putting me back in my place. I will enjoy the rest of the show in my seat.

e3 - We had good times, especially during our class chalet. I really enjoyed myself then. Thank you guys, especially for the support leading up to the 'O's.
Thank you especially to Sibyl, whom I've not talked to for a very long time.
It was the first time anyone was willing to confide in me. I really thank you for your trust.
I'll be here if you ever need a listening ear.

And others in ZHSS.
Thank you Leechin, Tan Yun, and Shannen, and the many others who were kind to me.

TJC Guitar Ensemble.
The one and a half years with you guys past by too fast. Things might have been monotonous sometimes, but the company made it enjoyable. It was challenging picking up some new stuff, but I showed me that practicing right and having perseverance is important in mastering anything.
Thank you Seniors - Yuhang, Bagus, Lipin and Michael.
Bass section - Wanda, Priyanka,  and Denise, Lorraine (Contra), Ridhwan and leader Faiz :)
Exco - Ridhwan, James, Nadia, Elizabeth, Yen Peng, Sheng Hong, Hai Shan, Lorraine, Housheng, Abigail, and Faiz.
Junior Exco - Jonathan Quah, Sabrina, Jonathan Heng, Lum Jiahui, Alessandro, Vanessa, Joy, Ray.
And of course, the many other people.
Ira, Louis, Jessica, and many others who have been kind to me.
Thank you.

Kazer (Orientation'11) was the most high period of my life.
OGLs & Delta House Comm, it was great working with all of you guys.
OG 12 - OGLS Yannis, Jordan, Kaixin, Dylan, Deryn, Bing Lun, Jiahong,
You guys are the best team one could ask for. :)
I remember the night we went to Yannis's House to make cards.
So tired, but happy :)
OGMs too. I hope that I was a good OGL to you guys, and I hope that my jokes made orientation just a little bit funnier. I wish everyone the best for the next phase of life.

Friends from other classes..
Iddo, Brian, and many others who have been nice to me :)
Thank you for your kindness.

Teachers
PPS: Mrs Ng, Ms Ng, Ms Michelle Tan, Ms Ivy, Ms Ambrose, Mdm Madinah, Mrs Lee, Ms Siti Aisha.
ZHSS: Ms Rajinder Kaur, Mdm Jennifer Lum, Mr Turner Lam, Mr John Yeo, Mr David Wong, Ms Tan Seow Lan, Mr Low Kee Ley, Huang lao shi, Mrs Ngiam, Mrs E. Lim, Mrs Koh SH, Mrs Wong CS, Mr Hazry.
TJC: Ms Norsheha, Ms Cai, Jiang Rui laoshi, Ms Yvonne Awyong, Mr Han, Mr Elwin, Ms Jay, Mrs Eunice Toh, Ms Rita Wong, Mr Ang Wei Tiong.
(and others not mentioned)

Thank you all for your service to education.
I have received, and I'll pay it forward.

24/10.
I really don't know what to say, but you guys mean the world to me.

I remember the first day of school, when I talked to Robert in Gamma OG7.
First day of class in LT1 with Mr Han and running round the school with the puzzle pieces.
First Chemistry lesson with Rita Wong at the chem lab.
The first outing at orchard.
CG bonding day in the Geog room.
Rock jokes.
PW angst.
'DUDEEEEEEE'
Mass PE and stoning at the canteen buying Tauhuey.
Birthday celebrations.
The very fun Group PE when Joshua brought his camera.
'DOODOO!'
Supporting each other for our various concerts.
Playing taupok in year 1.
'Confucius says...'
Spending year 2 in the stinky classroom. :)

I thank you guys for the good times.
A levels was a mad rush, and you guys helped make it so much more bearable.
Even though it is difficult for all of us to meet each other now, I still hope that one day, everyone can make it.
As we move on with life, lets not forget the kindness each of us gave and received.

I love you guys.

Lastly, Dad and Mum,
Nothing I say here can do justice to the compromises you guys make just for me.
(I hope you guys don't consider it a sacrifice.)
I won't understand how it feels to have your ambition extinguished by circumstances.
Thank you for your love.

Dad, I'm still angry because of that punch so many months ago.
I know deep down, you still care.
I am sorry for being such a disappointment.
But I can't bring myself to talk to someone who despises me like that.
I'm sorry. You can fault me for that.

Sis, Bro.
Thank you for tolerating my nonsense.
I'm a bad sibling, I'm a bad son.
I'll try to do more for you all.

The next 10 years will be paramount in developing myself.
I'm happy I have the many opportunities ahead of me, and I promise not to squander it.

I'll pay it forward.



Here's to the next ten years.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Met up with joel today.

He a smart guy.

Really have much to learn.
Lets go lets go Lets go!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

You are the universe.

Life's been passing by in flashes.
Getting distracted by all that is happening, and I'm glad that it is the start of lull period for now.

Wallaby was a new experience.
No sweat (literal sense) tho the weather was hot.
Outfield for 10 days, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (it got really boring at times)

The only day I felt like I was in Australia was R&R day.
walked around, had western food, and had fun :)

Came back, had audit, and was attached to S2 for 2 weeks.

Week after audit was over, went for outfield (they promised me not to send me cause I went wallaby >: )
and had tango on thursday (so many bloody contingencies HAHA I wasn't even nervous anymore)

block leave for the next week, and driving test on friday.
Wish me luck!

Been listening to Alan Watts recently, and while I think a lot of what he say is meta-physical nonsense, some of it is very insightful. (maybe I think it is nonsensical because I see no logical connection between statements, but I might have to read more about it.)

Reminder to be authentic, and to rebuild connections to other things, because you are defined in terms of them.

ciaos gonna be late for lesson again lol.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Let the dust settle.

Trying to forgive someone is like washing your dirty shoes.

Scrubbing it hard works for the big pieces of gravel and coarse sand that get stuck in the soles of your shoes.
But it is no use to scrub with all your might; you know how stubborn stains can be.
Only by using water, can one wash away the dirt that has been removed without letting it settle onto your shoes again.

I can't find the clean water that I need.




On a sidenote, I think my astigmatism is getting worse.

Will be away for the next 3 weeks.

Maybe I'll find a little stream trailing along some secluded place, maybe maybe I'll settle for dirty water, or maybe I'll let the stain be a reminder.



I've been a very horrible person recently, and I thank everyone who has tolerated my nonsense up to this point.

I want to be clean, and I need to find a way to clean myself.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Undeserving.

"It is a terrible thing to feel sorry for one‘s mother or indeed father. And it‘s an additionally awful thing to feel this and to know the impotence of the adolescent to do anything at all about it. Worse still, perhaps, is the selfish consolation that it isn‘t really one‘s job to rear one‘s parents.

Anyway, I knew that Yvonne felt that life was passing her by, and I knew that the money that could have given her the occasional glamorous holiday or trip to town was instead being spent (at her own insistence) on school fees for me and my brother, Peter (who had arrived during our time in Malta), so I resolved at least to work extremely hard and be worthy of the sacrifice."

- Christopher Hitchens
Hitch-22: A Memoir, Chapter 1: Yvonne

Hitchen's auto-biography was.. I don't have a word to describe it...
Touching? perhaps.

Reading the book really opened my eyes. His command of English was.. stunning.

Didn't get past pg 136 of the book (the book is around 421 pages long) cause he started talking about political ideas like Marxism, Fascism, Communism and  Castroism - He went to Cuba during the Cuban Missile Crisis - and Maoism and all the -isms and the technical jargon. which I don't know enough about to appreciate the context of his writing.

He talked a little about american foreign policy in the 1960s too which I know nothing about too.
And my book was due so I decided to put the book on hold till I had a better understanding of the technicalities and have a better grasp of the language. (I keep telling myself that but I don't think the day will ever come lol)

What struck me was how easily I could draw parallels and relate to how he felt.towards many things in his early life.
His parents, family (and extended family), his teenage years, and school.
(He wasn't that close to his dad too.)

The main difference between us, was that I was a blind and compliant sheep (maybe not so much compliant than unaware) while he on the other hand knew what he was doing. (He didn't tolerate nonsense, was unconventional - he didn't give heed to advice or follow absurd rules or succumb to authority, but was respectful all same time.)
Well, born in a different social context I guess.

But he is such an avid reader; gifted too.
Started reading at a young age, and never stopped since.

Well, his words made me think of my parents and how much they sacrificed to get me where I am today.
Well I better well make sure I don't waste anyone's time or money or sacrifice or tears.

You better work hard.

On duty cycle for the next month, so I guess it will be uneventful. (yup uneventful is good lol)
Have been working on linear algebra recently, and I find it fun as it is mainly a number game. (playing around with arrays and chains and boxes of numbers) It is difficult at some parts, but not as daunting as I had originally expected.

Get Linear Algebra done, start with Calculus, and we shall get back to good ol' Physics.
Havn't done physics for so longggg.

Finished a compilation of Bertrand Russell's best works as well.
The quote from the last post is from one of his essays, and it made me uncomfortable and even queasy. (to be exact, I was shocked.) (k my language isn't very precise, but I'm trying, so cut me some slack yeah?)
Will pick the book up again when I stabilise my foundations.

shall stop here and start my way through a few books I borrowed today.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Power.

"It is true that if we ever did stop to think about the cosmos we might find it uncomfortable. The sun may grow cold or blow up; the earth may lose its atmosphere and become uninhabitable. Life is a brief, small, and transitory phenomenon in an obscure corner, not at all the sort of thing that one would make a fuss about if one were not personally concerned. But it is monkish and futile- so scientific man will say- to dwell on such cold and unpractical thoughts. Let us get on with the job of fertilizing the desert, melting Arctic ice, and killing each other with perpetually improving technique. Some of our activities will do good, some harm, but all alike will show our power. And so, in this godless universe we shall become gods."

Lord Bertrand Russell
(I.S.S.p15)

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Why can't you understand?



From Kick Ass 2.

This song made me feel a little more human. (:

Sunday, August 25, 2013

There are no hard and fast answers.

Spent my weekend drifting around and doing nothing.

I kinda enjoy that.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Mainstream Science Finally Recognizes The Consciousness of Animals

http://www.minds.com/blog/view/208725/mainstream-science-finally-recognizes-the-consciousness-of-animals

Why didn't I pick this up sooner?

There wasn't any evidence to support the assertion that animals were not conscious beings.
We simply assumed so.

Why didn't I pick this up sooner?
Why did I assume so?

Why didn't I think harder?


Friday, August 23, 2013

Pollyanna.

Disclaimer to my previous post.

I do not encourage lying.
It is wrong to lie.

Something interesting I learned - deception is wrong in only one way while lying is wrong in more than one way. One does not need to gain one's trust to deceive someone. Deception involves the observer deceiving himself through his own assumptions and misdirection. Lying on the other hand requires for one to lead another person on - and so the fault lies with the person setting up the trap.
Thus, lying is wrong in two ways - gain one's trust, and breaking it thereafter.

An action (or a series of actions) may be wrong, but it could be the most moral path to take.

So, condone lying only when it is moral. (i.e. white lies)

anyway, a song for you guys.


long days ahead.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Hedgehog vs Fox.

Let me begin by telling you two stories which I think are worth pondering as you stand on the cusp of a new phase in your lives.
The first is an Arab tale that has been around in various forms since the 9th century.
There was a certain merchant in Baghdad who sent his servant to the market. The servant came back trembling with fear. Master, he said, when I was in the market I met Death who threatened me. Lend me your horse so that I may flee this city and go to Samarra and avoid my fate. The merchant willingly agreed and the servant galloped away. Later that day, the merchant went to the market and there confronted Death. Why did you threaten my servant this morning, asked the merchant. No, no said Death, I did not threaten him. I was merely startled to see your servant in Baghdad because I have an appointment with him this evening in Samarra.
The second is an old Chinese fable.
There was a man who lived on China’s northern frontier. One day for no particular reason, his only horse ran away across the border. The other villagers tried to console him for his ill fortune. But the man replied, what makes you think this is not a blessing? A week later the horse returned accompanied by a splendid nomad mare. All the villagers congratulated him for his good luck. But the man replied, what makes you think this is not a curse? The man’s son delighted in riding the new mare but one day fell and was crippled. Again the villagers tried to console him. But the man replied, what makes you sure this is not a blessing? War came. Every able bodied young man in the village was conscripted to fight the nomads. Nine out of ten were killed, but since the man’s son was crippled he was not enlisted and survived.
Destiny and contingency — what has been indelibly written in the stars and the unfathomable vagaries of heaven — are not rivals. They are co-conspirators forever sporting with your lives. This is not just an abstract thought.
Twenty years ago on Saturday 11th December 1993, at about one thirty in the afternoon, a twelve storey luxury high-rise apartment complex in Kuala Lumpur called Highland Towers suddenly collapsed. Forty-eight people were crushed to death. A very good friend of mine lived there. He was never known for early rising and would usually still have been in bed on a weekend. However, on that particular Saturday for some inconsequential reason – I think it was to sell his car – he got up much earlier than usual and left his apartment about an hour before the disaster. So he was spared. But a few years later, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died a lingering death.
We cherish the illusion of being in control of events. But in every decision, however trivial, the seeds of a thousand futures are sown. In an instant a world of hope shatters, even as life continues with insolent normalcy around you. In another instant infinite possibilities may flower. Joy and grief are inextricably intertwined.  An ancient Roman philosopher once wryly observed, the most unhappy sort of unfortunate man is one who has been happy.
As you try to elude the stratagems of fate and chance and pursue a career, what you studied in the university will be of limited relevance.  At least that has been my experience, perhaps because I studied political science and international relations. Politics, whatever else it may be, is certainly not a science. And having spent the last thirty-four years practicing the craft of diplomacy, I have come to the sad conclusion that any resemblance between what I studied about international relations and what I did for a living was purely coincidental.
I doubt my experience was exceptional. I know of no successful businessman who became successful just because he or she had a degree in business administration or management. Nobody ever become a leader by taking a leadership course.
Social science is an oxymoron. At best the social sciences provide metaphors that allow us to dimly glimpse an impenetrable reality in which nothing is ever ceteris paribus, an assumption which is a conceit of the most conceited of the social sciences. But those of you who have already enrolled in the faculty of social sciences, need not despair. All is not lost. I stand before you as living proof that the study of the social sciences will probably do you no permanent harm, provided you do not take it too seriously.
The world – or at least that part of it made up of human interactions and human institutions – is far too complex to be comprehended in a holistic way by the human mind. It is an intricate, chaotic and dynamic system characterized by so many feedback loops that its behaviour becomes more and more unpredictable. Ironically, our general answer to unpredictability is to develop ever more complexity: new technologies, new institutions, more regulation and more information.
To teach, to write, even to speak, is necessarily to simplify. We cannot opt out of the world. To deal with it we, consciously or unconsciously, resort to mental frameworks that simplify reality in order to enable us to comprehend it. The purpose of a university education, indeed all education, is to enrich our stock of these mental frameworks, the better to navigate the treacherous waters of life.
But we should not forget that these mental frameworks are only human artefacts. They are ideologies; social and political constructs that inevitably distort the reality they try to comprehend, or at best capture only a tiny and ephemeral sliver of it. But it is seductively easy to confound our ideas and opinions with ‘facts’. The highly educated, highly intelligent and highly successful are the most prone to this type of error.
We can truly know something only after it has happened. But if we can only know backwards, we must live forwards. Herein lies the essential fragility of human endeavour wherein the best laid plans are constantly ambushed by chance. We always know less than we believe we do. And our actions; the very effort to understand, changes the behaviours we try to understand and influence. Self-deception is an intrinsic part of human nature. So the odds are usually in favour of chance.
A former British politician, the late Enoch Powell, once wrote: “All political lives, unless they are cut off in midstream at a happy juncture, end in failure, because that is the nature of politics and of human affairs.”
Powell was writing about the life of Joseph Chamberlain, the father of Neville Chamberlain who notoriously told the British Cabinet on the eve of World War II that Adolf Hitler would not deliberately deceive a man whom he respected and proudly proclaimed ‘peace in our time’ after meeting him. That alone demonstrates the infinite capacity of the human species to delude itself and that Powell’s insight has wider applicability than any specific individual or the field of politics.
Universities are premised on belief in reason. But human beings are seldom entirely rational. And the idea that in any situation there is an objective Truth discernible by exercise of reason is a myth. Pontius Pilate was said to have asked Jesus Christ ‘What is Truth?’. The reply was a quibble.  I know of no convincing answer ever since.
This is a fundamentally illogical world, or rather a world of competing rationalities and rivalling logics, the sum of which is seldom logical. There is a deep human need to impose rational explanations on events that would otherwise compel us to confront the existential horror of being at the mercy of unpredictable and inexplicable forces; a need perhaps more keenly felt by Singapore civil servants and university professors than others of the human species. But there is no logical reason to believe that any logic we happen to favour is intrinsically more rational than any other logic.
I am not arguing that any opinion is as good as any other opinion.  Of what value is my opinion on, say, brain surgery or engineering or mathematics? Absolutely nothing.
My argument is only that the intensity of belief in an idea or the reach of its acceptance is no guarantee of its validity. Truth if it exists, is always situational and conditional and thus at best only partially, temporarily and contingently ‘true’. This is being obscured by the ever more ubiquitous social media. Today we can, if we so choose, happily inhabit worlds of our own creation where the only voices we ever hear are those that we already agree with.
Alas, it is my impression that more and more of us are slipping into this 21st century form of monomania. We are becoming more solipsistic and struthious. Hearing only what we want to hear, we lose sight of the possibility of error. Not recognizing the omnipresence of error, we do not learn. Judgement which rests on breath and variety of experience, including the experience of being mistaken, is being devalued. The general view is that the social media and other new communication technologies enhance human freedom. Perhaps. But it seems to me that often it is only the freedom to choose our own chains.
There is no going back. Technologies cannot be unlearnt and their benefits are obvious and indisputable. But there is insufficient appreciation of how they are also redefining basic concepts of society, community and politics. And since man is a social and political animal, what the consequences will eventually be no one can yet say. It is already making an unpredictable world even more uncertain.
Life is a series of improvisations in response to unforeseen and unforeseeable events. We can only improvise wisely if we accept the world as it is and not as we hope or fear it to be. This is harder than you think.  All too often, what passes for objectivity or originality or for critical thinking is merely the Pavlovian impulse to cry black if authority should say white. Again this tendency is exacerbated by the social media which divorces opinion from responsibility and from reality.  Some people of course never needed the social media.  But what was once just bar talk now can all too easily go viral.
To live in society – and we cannot but live in society – we need common assumptions. Otherwise even something as basic as language would not be possible.  But there is generally an inverse correlation between certainty and significance. It is totally safe to assume that the sun will rise in the east tomorrow. So what?
How to determine what we can significantly hold in common as a nation or as the human species is often highly contentious.  And even if consensus seems to have been reached, it is prudent to keep in mind that the reach of assumptions or their tenacity bears no necessary relationship with their validity.
Almost a quarter of a century ago, a neoconservative American scholar, Francis Fukuyama, wrote an essay that boldly proclaimed ‘the end of history’. History of course did not listen and went rolling along. A few years later Mr Fukuyama expanded his essay into a deeply learned book that argued that History had indeed ended, although the rest of us were insufficiently erudite to notice. A few more years later, he denied that he had ever been a neoconservative, and maintaining a discreet silence over his earlier prognostications, went on to write several hefty tomes on entirely different subjects.
It is easy to poke fun at the folibles of the learned. But a line can be drawn connecting the assumptions that Mr Fukuyama shared with others of his ilk and policies that left the Middle East in turmoil. Hundreds of thousands dead or wounded will not find consolation in subsequent mea culpas.  Nor despite the disastrous outcomes, have these assumptions been abandoned or even seriously questioned. They continue to be enthusiastically propagated by those who have become prisoners of their own ideology.
The problem of reaching consensus on significant common assumptions is more acute for young countries such as ours with limited shared experiences. Singapore is not yet even fifty years old as a sovereign and independent country. That is but the blink of an eye in history. There is no dearth of foreigners eager to tell us what we should believe. And unfortunately some Singaporeans are all too ready to believe them. They may well have good intentions. But don’t forget where that proverbially leads us.
Your generation will have to endure a world of greater than usual political and intellectual fluidity. Irrespective of their specific form and institutions, all polities, apart from a handful mainly in the Middle East, today legitimate themselves by some variant of the notion of the sovereignty of the people and the idea that the individual is at the centre of the universe. These concepts took hold in the 18th century, and have been gathering momentum ever since. Yet looking around the world, it seems obvious that the collision of 18th century political philosophy with 21st century communications and other technologies is creating a global crisis of governance.
Governance is becoming dysfunctional because a dynamic of distrust inevitably arises. Social media blurs the distinction between opinion and expertise. If individuals believe they are sovereign and that their ego is the supreme value, they will sooner or later also come to believe that their opinion is good as anyone’s opinion and the inconvenient fact that not all opinions are created equal becomes politically incorrect. Then any disagreement however mild with any opinion by governments generates resentment and resistance. Yet the fundamental role of any government is to mediate between different views for the common good. Modern communications technologies accentuate this dynamic by conflating the idea of the ‘public’ with the views of individuals or small groups and providing the means for disseminating them widely and directly.
We cannot go back to legitimation by bloodline or the mandate of heaven. We cannot abandon technology. But how and whether we can cope are still open questions. The syndrome is most acute in the highly developed countries who eccentrically consider it a virtue. But no country, including our own, is entirely spared, although ours is as yet only a very mild case of this global disease.
I do not know when the dénouement will come or what form it will take. But come it must. This is not a stable equilibrium. It cannot hold.
The problem is exacerbated by flux in the structures and processes of international politics. The geopolitical order of the last two centuries is gradually but inexorably being displaced. But the rising new powers provide no real intellectual alternative. They are rising precisely because they were the best pupils of the old order. The new powers validate themselves by their own versions of the same political philosophy – fascism and communism share the same intellectual roots as democracy – and so today struggle with their own versions of the same ills of governance.
It is unclear what the future will bring. One may darkly speculate whether the technologies that were the fruits of our ingenuity have outpaced the capacity of our current political and social institutions to deal with them. One can of course always hope that human ingenuity will eventually cope with what our ingenuity has wrought. But hope is only just that: a hope which may well prove forlorn. At very least the interregnum between the current order and whatever will come after will be prolonged, measured in decades and characterized by recurrent crises.
As you go forward into this uncertain future, console yourself with the thought that if anything is possible, then too nothing is impossible.  Isaiah Berlin famously made a distinction between the fox and the hedgehog: “The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing”. Be a fox not a hedgehog because that one big thing the hedgehog thinks it knows may well be wrong. Intellectual consistency for its own sake is foolish. And remember too that the world is infested with hedgehogs masquerading as foxes.  These mimics are particularly thick on the ground in universities and in some sections of the civil service.
Face uncertainty with a stoic and pragmatic scepticism rather than with false optimism.  I said scepticism and not cynicism. False optimism lulls us into complacency. Scepticism keeps us alert to the multiple possibilities that are inherent in any situation. Pragmatism because the world will not arrange itself to suit our convenience. And stoicism because despite our best efforts, we may be entrapped by the snares of fate or chance and fail. But cynicism is corrosive and blinding.  To confront uncertainty with cynicism is to handicap ourselves in the game of life and almost certainly to doom ourselves to failure.
I do not expect you to believe me. Youth is always sceptical of the scepticism of experience until it has acquired enough of its own. And of course, if you have paid even minimal attention to my ramblings, there is always the possibility that I am mistaken and have been talking arrant rubbish. For your sakes, I do most sincerely hope so.

by Bilahari Kausikan

Sunday, August 18, 2013

我的朋友,我的同学,我爱过的一切。


年少时候,谁没有梦?

有机会,一定要争取。

Friday, August 16, 2013

I need to write.

I log in to blogger every time I turn on the laptop, but I always fail to write a proper post.
Its not that I don't have anything to say or share, but rather, I got confused, and I got lost, and I didn't know how to sort out the mess in my head.
I guess making myself sit down and write is still the best way to think through things.
I have little patience for writing now.
I remember how I used to be able to write for hours when I just started blogging, but for me to churn out a paragraph now.. it really is difficult.

Maybe it is because I used to write without thinking. Maybe I've learnt the importance to put more effort in the thinking process before I write.
Maybe I am too preoccupied with all the things in my life. Maybe I've become too impatient for my own good.
It doesn't matter. Either way, I've changed, and I think what is important is to acknowledge the change and keep myself in check.

Started reading a little philosophy (even though I promised myself never to do so) and I must say it is interesting (and very confusing).
It did help put a few things into perspective.
Things are rarely that simple.

Everything can be a force for both good and evil. Even lying. (makes me wonder why I was so irrational and dogmatic about not lying in the past)

Been thinking a little about random things recently as well, and I'm quite happy to say that I've solved this one question that has been bugging me ever since I was young.

"Who was the first human?"

Yup. This question had been bugging me since I was young.
But reading and thinking a little about evolution helped me solve the question.

The answer is simple. There is no answer to the question, cause the question doesn't make sense.

One of Darwin's 'axioms' for the Theory of Evolution, was that the smallest unit of evolution is a population - not an individual.
So, the question "Who were the first humans" would make sense.

(kind of stupid, but yeah I'm slow at catching subtleties like this)

Opened my mind to the importance of asking the RIGHT questions.

A short update on my life too.

Caught the NDP preview with Tiong Ann and Ming Xuan. (Where we met Aaron Lam by chance haha)
Thank you Tiong Ann! Had a great time that day.

Next big thing was Penang Trip with Tiong Ann and Martin.
Had a good time, and opened my eyes a little (:
Will blog more when the photographs come. (if I have the time)

Other than that, preparation of Ex. Wallaby, my unproductive attempts to master linear algebra, and dealing with SAF logic (or rather, non-logic).

So angry about so many things which I am helpless about just because I don't have the rank and influence to change anything.
Really difficult to display leadership without a chance at commandership.

I thought I could do something. Maybe I could stay motivated so that others will be motivated. Or try and help cover for people.

I wanted to make a positive difference. I was sincere.
but they made use of me.

I give up on the organisation.
Not gonna waste it on people who aren't going to appreciate.

"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much of life. So aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something." 
- Henry David Thoreau

one of my favourite quotes.

(this post took me 4 hours to write. so difficult to find the right words.)

Friday, July 12, 2013

No confidence.

"Adults do not forget the horrors and shamings of their childhood, but those feelings tend to lose their immediacy (except perhaps in dreams, where even old men and women find themselves taking tests they have not studied for with no clothes on). The violent actions and emotions portrayed in Rage were drawn directly from the high school life I was living five days a week, nine months of the year. The book told unpleasant truths, and anyone who doesn’t feel a qualm of regret at throwing a blanket over the truth is an asshole with no conscience.

As far as I’m concerned, high school sucked when I went, and probably sucks now. I tend to regard people who remember it as the best four years of their lives with caution and a degree of pity. For most kids, it’s a time of doubt, stress, painful self-consciousness, and unhappiness. They’re actually the lucky ones. For the bullied underclass — the wimps, the shrimps, and the girls who are routinely referred to as scags, bags, or hos — it’s four years of misery and two kinds of hate: the kind you feel for yourself and the kind you feel for the jackwads who bump you in the halls, pull down your shorts in gym class, and pick out some charming nickname like Queerboy or Frogface that sticks to you like glue."  

from "http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/01/28/stephen-king-on-guns/

About two weeks before my five-year college reunion, I got an e-mail from the school informing me that I had been entered into a lottery and won a free room for the weekend — the first college recognition I’d ever received. But I wasn’t ready to reunite. I had to graduate first.

For the last two years I’d been deleting emails about the event with subject lines like “Can you believe it’s been five years?” and “Can’t wait to party like it’s 2008.” I could both believe it and wait. Most of these emails sit unread somewhere in my trash folder along with articles about successful class members, standard nostalgia, and above all requests for donations, to ensure that future generations share the same experience that I’d had. But what about the grief? Would my donation ensure future generations that as well?

I’ve hardly kept in touch with anyone from my class, meaning I’ve had to piece together a narrative from what I’ve seen on Facebook, all while pretending not to be on Facebook. I’d scroll through and draw grand conclusions from images and lives that I could no longer imagine, which of course meant I imagined them all the more. E-mails turned into glossy alumni magazines and these too piled up, unread on my desk or coffee table—too afraid to open them, but too hopeful to simply throw them away, imagining a day when I wouldn’t be scared to look back.

“Why don’t you ever read these?” my roommate asked one day as he flipped through a new magazine full of success stories. “I don’t know, I mean, I’m glad all these people are out there doing all this stuff, but I wish they wouldn’t tell me about it and make me feel bad about not being one of them.” It feels like one huge guilt trip: guilt for not donating enough money, guilt for not having achieved some manner of success, guilt for forgetting where you came from. Sometimes they call to ask for money, make you feel that your $20 will really make a difference. “What’s the minimum?” I ask, and always wait for them to hang up first so they won’t hear my flip-phone closing.

It’s impossible not to compare yourself with the people around you. This can be a great motivator or the ultimate anxiety—sometimes both. Since leaving school, it felt like the baseline for comparison had changed; I had managed to stop comparing myself and learned to do things for myself only. Now, these magazines and emails seemed to be shattering this momentary bliss by showing me just where I fall in the spectrum, basically recounting what I haven’t been doing for the past five years. The few times I would actually feel up to flipping through one of these, I would run through it like a dating website—terrified of seeing someone I knew. “I have nothing to tell,” I would say to people who asked why on earth I’d turned down two free nights in a freshly-Swiffered dorm room “right in the heart of campus.” “Yeah, but everybody exaggerates what they’ve been up to, how successful they’ve been. Just pick one thing each year and elaborate on it, stretch it out and make it sound important.”

The thought alone reminded me of going to an interview and lying and embellishing my way through my resume over the past five years. Other people have started companies, even been featured in Alumni Magazines and all I can say is that I got fourth place in the New Yorker caption contest and started a Tumblr…No, I haven’t posted anything yet, I’m still choosing a theme.”

I think the problem is that I haven’t yet moved on to the next phase of my life. And it’s for this reason that college still seems strangely open-ended, unfinished. I still don’t know where it leads to, and that’s why I’m not ready to go back. (Moving to a college-town like Williamsburg also hasn’t helped with this.) It feels like college is something that doesn’t end after a mere four years. It is something that follows you always, out of sight, but never far behind, when all I want is for it to end. The point is I’m not ready to re- anything—reunite, rehash, relive—because you can’t re-do something that isn’t done yet. You can’t go back somewhere you haven’t really left.

Of course, never opening the e-mails, magazines, invites just leads me to idealize and envy the lives of others in an unrealistic way. When I asked people who’d gone back about the reunion, no-one remembered any talk of companies, success or happiness—no-one remembered much actually.

But still, it’s all too easy to imagine that most people have managed to parlay College into the next step of their lives and have moved on to that natural next step. But none of the roads I created in that time seem to have reached a destination yet. And it’s only when you arrive somewhere new that you can start to make your way back. I feel like a tennis player who’s broken serve, but hasn’t yet held my own. It could mean everything; or I could be right back where I started. I guess I’m still choosing a theme.

from Why I Missed My College Reunion - Thought Catalogue


nah, not referring to anything in particular.
Just happened to chanced upon these writings, which reminded me of darker days.

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

Remember, I was never always happy.

I'll never know these moments as my own.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Reality takes a surprising turn.

A little update on my side.

On day off today, spent time with friends.

High key period is coming up and there'll be no rest till End October.
One long stretch.
fighting to apply for leave for 2 days in August.

Chanced upon a few interesting things:

1. http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/04/27/when-einstein-met-tagore/

Made me change my mind about certain things.

Should I try for USP?
I took a look and it is very interesting, though I am scared that it is too challenging for me.
"There is the reality of paper, infinitely different from the reality of literature. For the kind of mind possessed by the moth which eats that paper literature is absolutely non-existent, yet for Man’s mind literature has a greater value of Truth than the paper itself. In a similar manner if there be some Truth which has no sensuous or rational relation to the human mind, it will ever remain as nothing so long as we remain human beings."

- Rabindranath Tagore  

2. Been reading "The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark" by Carl Sagan.
Still halfway through the book.
But important insights noted.

We are all fallible, and we are all deluded.
The are systematic characteristics that can be found in pseudo-scientific claims.

Need to sharpen my language and critical thinking.

Where and how do I start? ):
_____________________________________________________________
Life is unpredictable.
What were the odds?

Why did probability arrange itself like that?
By pure chance..?

Reality takes a surprising turn, and it pounces on you. Like a tiger.
You are unsure, so is the tiger.

We have a say in this.
This indeterminism.
can't sleep.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Friday, May 31, 2013

Why I Am Not A Christian - Bertrand Russell

As your Chairman has told you, the subject about which I am going to speak to you tonight is "Why I Am Not a Christian." Perhaps it would be as well, first of all, to try to make out what one means by the word Christian. It is used these days in a very loose sense by a great many people. Some people mean no more by it than a person who attempts to live a good life. In that sense I suppose there would be Christians in all sects and creeds; but I do not think that that is the proper sense of the word, if only because it would imply that all the people who are not Christians -- all the Buddhists, Confucians, Mohammedans, and so on -- are not trying to live a good life. I do not mean by a Christian any person who tries to live decently according to his lights. I think that you must have a certain amount of definite belief before you have a right to call yourself a Christian. The word does not have quite such a full-blooded meaning now as it had in the times of St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas. In those days, if a man said that he was a Christian it was known what he meant. You accepted a whole collection of creeds which were set out with great precision, and every single syllable of those creeds you believed with the whole strength of your convictions.

What Is a Christian?

Nowadays it is not quite that. We have to be a little more vague in our meaning of Christianity. I think, however, that there are two different items which are quite essential to anybody calling himself a Christian. The first is one of a dogmatic nature -- namely, that you must believe in God and immortality. If you do not believe in those two things, I do not think that you can properly call yourself a Christian. Then, further than that, as the name implies, you must have some kind of belief about Christ. The Mohammedans, for instance, also believe in God and in immortality, and yet they would not call themselves Christians. I think you must have at the very lowest the belief that Christ was, if not divine, at least the best and wisest of men. If you are not going to believe that much about Christ, I do not think you have any right to call yourself a Christian. Of course, there is another sense, which you find in Whitaker's Almanack and in geography books, where the population of the world is said to be divided into Christians, Mohammedans, Buddhists, fetish worshipers, and so on; and in that sense we are all Christians. The geography books count us all in, but that is a purely geographical sense, which I suppose we can ignore.Therefore I take it that when I tell you why I am not a Christian I have to tell you two different things: first, why I do not believe in God and in immortality; and, secondly, why I do not think that Christ was the best and wisest of men, although I grant him a very high degree of moral goodness. But for the successful efforts of unbelievers in the past, I could not take so elastic a definition of Christianity as that. As I said before, in olden days it had a much more full-blooded sense. For instance, it included he belief in hell. Belief in eternal hell-fire was an essential item of Christian belief until pretty recent times. In this country, as you know, it ceased to be an essential item because of a decision of the Privy Council, and from that decision the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Archbishop of York dissented; but in this country our religion is settled by Act of Parliament, and therefore the Privy Council was able to override their Graces and hell was no longer necessary to a Christian. Consequently I shall not insist that a Christian must believe in hell.

The Existence of God

To come to this question of the existence of God: it is a large and serious question, and if I were to attempt to deal with it in any adequate manner I should have to keep you here until Kingdom Come, so that you will have to excuse me if I deal with it in a somewhat summary fashion. You know, of course, that the Catholic Church has laid it down as a dogma that the existence of God can be proved by the unaided reason. That is a somewhat curious dogma, but it is one of their dogmas. They had to introduce it because at one time the freethinkers adopted the habit of saying that there were such and such arguments which mere reason might urge against the existence of God, but of course they knew as a matter of faith that God did exist. The arguments and the reasons were set out at great length, and the Catholic Church felt that they must stop it. Therefore they laid it down that the existence of God can be proved by the unaided reason and they had to set up what they considered were arguments to prove it. There are, of course, a number of them, but I shall take only a few. 
 

The First-cause Argument

Perhaps the simplest and easiest to understand is the argument of the First Cause. (It is maintained that everything we see in this world has a cause, and as you go back in the chain of causes further and further you must come to a First Cause, and to that First Cause you give the name of God.) That argument, I suppose, does not carry very much weight nowadays, because, in the first place, cause is not quite what it used to be. The philosophers and the men of science have got going on cause, and it has not anything like the vitality it used to have; but, apart from that, you can see that the argument that there must be a First Cause is one that cannot have any validity. I may say that when I was a young man and was debating these questions very seriously in my mind, I for a long time accepted the argument of the First Cause, until one day, at the age of eighteen, I read John Stuart Mill's Autobiography, and I there found this sentence: "My father taught me that the question 'Who made me?' cannot be answered, since it immediately suggests the further question `Who made god?'" That very simple sentence showed me, as I still think, the fallacy in the argument of the First Cause. If everything must have a cause, then God must have a cause. If there can be anything without a cause, it may just as well be the world as God, so that there cannot be any validity in that argument. It is exactly of the same nature as the Hindu's view, that the world rested upon an elephant and the elephant rested upon a tortoise; and when they said, "How about the tortoise?" the Indian said, "Suppose we change the subject." The argument is really no better than that. There is no reason why the world could not have come into being without a cause; nor, on the other hand, is there any reason why it should not have always existed. There is no reason to suppose that the world had a beginning at all. The idea that things must have a beginning is really due to the poverty of our imagination. Therefore, perhaps, I need not waste any more time upon the argument about the First Cause. 
 

The Natural-law Argument

Then there is a very common argument from natural law. That was a favorite argument all through the eighteenth century, especially under the influence of Sir Isaac Newton and his cosmogony. People observed the planets going around the sun according to the law of gravitation, and they thought that God had given a behest to these planets to move in that particular fashion, and that was why they did so. That was, of course, a convenient and simple explanation that saved them the trouble of looking any further for explanations of the law of gravitation. Nowadays we explain the law of gravitation in a somewhat complicated fashion that Einstein has introduced. I do not propose to give you a lecture on the law of gravitation, as interpreted by Einstein, because that again would take some time; at any rate, you no longer have the sort of natural law that you had in the Newtonian system, where, for some reason that nobody could understand, nature behaved in a uniform fashion. We now find that a great many things we thought were natural laws are really human conventions. You know that even in the remotest depths of stellar space there are still three feet to a yard. That is, no doubt, a very remarkable fact, but you would hardly call it a law of nature. And a great many things that have been regarded as laws of nature are of that kind. On the other hand, where you can get down to any knowledge of what atoms actually do, you will find they are much less subject to law than people thought, and that the laws at which you arrive are statistical averages of just the sort that would emerge from chance. There is, as we all know, a law that if you throw dice you will get double sixes only about once in thirty-six times, and we do not regard that as evidence that the fall of the dice is regulated by design; on the contrary, if the double sixes came every time we should think that there was design. The laws of nature are of that sort as regards a great many of them. They are statistical averages such as would emerge from the laws of chance; and that makes this whole business of natural law much less impressive than it formerly was. Quite apart from that, which represents the momentary state of science that may change tomorrow, the whole idea that natural laws imply a lawgiver is due to a confusion between natural and human laws. Human laws are behests commanding you to behave a certain way, in which you may choose to behave, or you may choose not to behave; but natural laws are a description of how things do in fact behave, and being a mere description of what they in fact do, you cannot argue that there must be somebody who told them to do that, because even supposing that there were, you are then faced with the question "Why did God issue just those natural laws and no others?" If you say that he did it simply from his own good pleasure, and without any reason, you then find that there is something which is not subject to law, and so your train of natural law is interrupted. If you say, as more orthodox theologians do, that in all the laws which God issues he had a reason for giving those laws rather than others -- the reason, of course, being to create the best universe, although you would never think it to look at it -- if there were a reason for the laws which God gave, then God himself was subject to law, and therefore you do not get any advantage by introducing God as an intermediary. You really have a law outside and anterior to the divine edicts, and God does not serve your purpose, because he is not the ultimate lawgiver. In short, this whole argument about natural law no longer has anything like the strength that it used to have. I am traveling on in time in my review of the arguments. The arguments that are used for the existence of God change their character as time goes on. They were at first hard intellectual arguments embodying certain quite definite fallacies. As we come to modern times they become less respectable intellectually and more and more affected by a kind of moralizing vagueness. 
 

The Argument from Design

The next step in the process brings us to the argument from design. You all know the argument from design: everything in the world is made just so that we can manage to live in the world, and if the world was ever so little different, we could not manage to live in it. That is the argument from design. It sometimes takes a rather curious form; for instance, it is argued that rabbits have white tails in order to be easy to shoot. I do not know how rabbits would view that application. It is an easy argument to parody. You all know Voltaire's remark, that obviously the nose was designed to be such as to fit spectacles. That sort of parody has turned out to be not nearly so wide of the mark as it might have seemed in the eighteenth century, because since the time of Darwin we understand much better why living creatures are adapted to their environment. It is not that their environment was made to be suitable to them but that they grew to be suitable to it, and that is the basis of adaptation. There is no evidence of design about it. When you come to look into this argument from design, it is a most astonishing thing that people can believe that this world, with all the things that are in it, with all its defects, should be the best that omnipotence and omniscience have been able to produce in millions of years. I really cannot believe it. Do you think that, if you were granted omnipotence and omniscience and millions of years in which to perfect your world, you could produce nothing better than the Ku Klux Klan or the Fascists? Moreover, if you accept the ordinary laws of science, you have to suppose that human life and life in general on this planet will die out in due course: it is a stage in the decay of the solar system; at a certain stage of decay you get the sort of conditions of temperature and so forth which are suitable to protoplasm, and there is life for a short time in the life of the whole solar system. You see in the moon the sort of thing to which the earth is tending -- something dead, cold, and lifeless.
 I am told that that sort of view is depressing, and people will sometimes tell you that if they believed that, they would not be able to go on living. Do not believe it; it is all nonsense. Nobody really worries about much about what is going to happen millions of years hence. Even if they think they are worrying much about that, they are really deceiving themselves. They are worried about something much more mundane, or it may merely be a bad digestion; but nobody is really seriously rendered unhappy by the thought of something that is going to happen to this world millions and millions of years hence. Therefore, although it is of course a gloomy view to suppose that life will die out -- at least I suppose we may say so, although sometimes when I contemplate the things that people do with their lives I think it is almost a consolation -- it is not such as to render life miserable. It merely makes you turn your attention to other things.

The Moral Arguments for Deity

Now we reach one stage further in what I shall call the intellectual descent that the Theists have made in their argumentations, and we come to what are called the moral arguments for the existence of God. You all know, of course, that there used to be in the old days three intellectual arguments for the existence of God, all of which were disposed of by Immanuel Kant in the Critique of Pure Reason; but no sooner had he disposed of those arguments than he invented a new one, a moral argument, and that quite convinced him. He was like many people: in intellectual matters he was skeptical, but in moral matters he believed implicitly in the maxims that he had imbibed at his mother's knee. That illustrates what the psychoanalysts so much emphasize -- the immensely stronger hold upon us that our very early associations have than those of later times. Kant, as I say, invented a new moral argument for the existence of God, and that in varying forms was extremely popular during the nineteenth century. It has all sorts of forms. One form is to say there would be no right or wrong unless God existed. I am not for the moment concerned with whether there is a difference between right and wrong, or whether there is not: that is another question. The point I am concerned with is that, if you are quite sure there is a difference between right and wrong, then you are in this situation: Is that difference due to God's fiat or is it not? If it is due to God's fiat, then for God himself there is no difference between right and wrong, and it is no longer a significant statement to say that God is good. If you are going to say, as theologians do, that God is good, you must then say that right and wrong have some meaning which is independent of God's fiat, because God's fiats are good and not bad independently of the mere fact that he made them. If you are going to say that, you will then have to say that it is not only through God that right and wrong came into being, but that they are in their essence logically anterior to God. You could, of course, if you liked, say that there was a superior deity who gave orders to the God that made this world, or could take up the line that some of the gnostics took up -- a line which I often thought was a very plausible one -- that as a matter of fact this world that we know was made by the devil at a moment when God was not looking. There is a good deal to be said for that, and I am not concerned to refute it.

The Argument for the Remedying of Injustice

Then there is another very curious form of moral argument, which is this: they say that the existence of God is required in order to bring justice into the world. In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying; but if you are going to have justice in the universe as a whole you have to suppose a future life to redress the balance of life here on earth. So they say that there must be a God, and there must be Heaven and Hell in order that in the long run there may be justice. That is a very curious argument. If you looked at the matter from a scientific point of view, you would say, "After all, I only know this world. I do not know about the rest of the universe, but so far as one can argue at all on probabilities one would say that probably this world is a fair sample, and if there is injustice here the odds are that there is injustice elsewhere also." Supposing you got a crate of oranges that you opened, and you found all the top layer of oranges bad, you would not argue, "The underneath ones must be good, so as to redress the balance." You would say, "Probably the whole lot is a bad consignment"; and that is really what a scientific person would argue about the universe. He would say, "Here we find in this world a great deal of injustice, and so far as that goes that is a reason for supposing that justice does not rule in the world; and therefore so far as it goes it affords a moral argument against deity and not in favor of one." Of course I know that the sort of intellectual arguments that I have been talking to you about are not what really moves people. What really moves people to believe in God is not any intellectual argument at all. Most people believe in God because they have been taught from early infancy to do it, and that is the main reason. Then I think that the next most powerful reason is the wish for safety, a sort of feeling that there is a big brother who will look after you. That plays a very profound part in influencing people's desire for a belief in God.

The Character of Christ

I now want to say a few words upon a topic which I often think is not quite sufficiently dealt with by Rationalists, and that is the question whether Christ was the best and the wisest of men. It is generally taken for granted that we should all agree that that was so. I do not myself. I think that there are a good many points upon which I agree with Christ a great deal more than the professing Christians do. I do not know that I could go with Him all the way, but I could go with Him much further than most professing Christians can. You will remember that He said, "Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." That is not a new precept or a new principle. It was used by Lao-tse and Buddha some 500 or 600 years before Christ, but it is not a principle which as a matter of fact Christians accept. I have no doubt that the present prime minister [Stanley Baldwin], for instance, is a most sincere Christian, but I should not advise any of you to go and smite him on one cheek. I think you might find that he thought this text was intended in a figurative sense. Then there is another point which I consider excellent. You will remember that Christ said, "Judge not lest ye be judged." That principle I do not think you would find was popular in the law courts of Christian countries. I have known in my time quite a number of judges who were very earnest Christians, and none of them felt that they were acting contrary to Christian principles in what they did. Then Christ says, "Give to him that asketh of thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away." That is a very good principle. Your Chairman has reminded you that we are not here to talk politics, but I cannot help observing that the last general election was fought on the question of how desirable it was to turn away from him that would borrow of thee, so that one must assume that the Liberals and Conservatives of this country are composed of people who do not agree with the teaching of Christ, because they certainly did very emphatically turn away on that occasion.
 Then there is one other maxim of Christ which I think has a great deal in it, but I do not find that it is very popular among some of our Christian friends. He says, "If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that which thou hast, and give to the poor." That is a very excellent maxim, but, as I say, it is not much practised. All these, I think, are good maxims, although they are a little difficult to live up to. I do not profess to live up to them myself; but then, after all, it is not quite the same thing as for a Christian.

Defects in Christ's Teaching

Having granted the excellence of these maxims, I come to certain points in which I do not believe that one can grant either the superlative wisdom or the superlative goodness of Christ as depicted in the Gospels; and here I may say that one is not concerned with the historical question. Historically it is quite doubtful whether Christ ever existed at all, and if He did we do not know anything about him, so that I am not concerned with the historical question, which is a very difficult one. I am concerned with Christ as He appears in the Gospels, taking the Gospel narrative as it stands, and there one does find some things that do not seem to be very wise. For one thing, he certainly thought that His second coming would occur in clouds of glory before the death of all the people who were living at that time. There are a great many texts that prove that. He says, for instance, "Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel till the Son of Man be come." Then he says, "There are some standing here which shall not taste death till the Son of Man comes into His kingdom"; and there are a lot of places where it is quite clear that He believed that His second coming would happen during the lifetime of many then living. That was the belief of His earlier followers, and it was the basis of a good deal of His moral teaching. When He said, "Take no thought for the morrow," and things of that sort, it was very largely because He thought that the second coming was going to be very soon, and that all ordinary mundane affairs did not count. I have, as a matter of fact, known some Christians who did believe that the second coming was imminent. I knew a parson who frightened his congregation terribly by telling them that the second coming was very imminent indeed, but they were much consoled when they found that he was planting trees in his garden. The early Christians did really believe it, and they did abstain from such things as planting trees in their gardens, because they did accept from Christ the belief that the second coming was imminent. In that respect, clearly He was not so wise as some other people have been, and He was certainly not superlatively wise. 
 

The Moral Problem

Then you come to moral questions. There is one very serious defect to my mind in Christ's moral character, and that is that He believed in hell. I do not myself feel that any person who is really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment. Christ certainly as depicted in the Gospels did believe in everlasting punishment, and one does find repeatedly a vindictive fury against those people who would not listen to His preaching -- an attitude which is not uncommon with preachers, but which does somewhat detract from superlative excellence. You do not, for instance find that attitude in Socrates. You find him quite bland and urbane toward the people who would not listen to him; and it is, to my mind, far more worthy of a sage to take that line than to take the line of indignation. You probably all remember the sorts of things that Socrates was saying when he was dying, and the sort of things that he generally did say to people who did not agree with him. You will find that in the Gospels Christ said, "Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of Hell." That was said to people who did not like His preaching. It is not really to my mind quite the best tone, and there are a great many of these things about Hell. There is, of course, the familiar text about the sin against the Holy Ghost: "Whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost it shall not be forgiven him neither in this World nor in the world to come." That text has caused an unspeakable amount of misery in the world, for all sorts of people have imagined that they have committed the sin against the Holy Ghost, and thought that it would not be forgiven them either in this world or in the world to come. I really do not think that a person with a proper degree of kindliness in his nature would have put fears and terrors of that sort into the world.
 Then Christ says, "The Son of Man shall send forth his His angels, and they shall gather out of His kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity, and shall cast them into a furnace of fire; there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth"; and He goes on about the wailing and gnashing of teeth. It comes in one verse after another, and it is quite manifest to the reader that there is a certain pleasure in contemplating wailing and gnashing of teeth, or else it would not occur so often. Then you all, of course, remember about the sheep and the goats; how at the second coming He is going to divide the sheep from the goats, and He is going to say to the goats, "Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire." He continues, "And these shall go away into everlasting fire." Then He says again, "If thy hand offend thee, cut it off; it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into Hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched; where the worm dieth not and the fire is not quenched." He repeats that again and again also. I must say that I think all this doctrine, that hell-fire is a punishment for sin, is a doctrine of cruelty. It is a doctrine that put cruelty into the world and gave the world generations of cruel torture; and the Christ of the Gospels, if you could take Him asHis chroniclers represent Him, would certainly have to be considered partly responsible for that.
 There are other things of less importance. There is the instance of the Gadarene swine, where it certainly was not very kind to the pigs to put the devils into them and make them rush down the hill into the sea. You must remember that He was omnipotent, and He could have made the devils simply go away; but He chose to send them into the pigs. Then there is the curious story of the fig tree, which always rather puzzled me. You remember what happened about the fig tree. "He was hungry; and seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, He came if haply He might find anything thereon; and when He came to it He found nothing but leaves, for the time of figs was not yet. And Jesus answered and said unto it: 'No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever' . . . and Peter . . . saith unto Him: 'Master, behold the fig tree which thou cursedst is withered away.'" This is a very curious story, because it was not the right time of year for figs, and you really could not blame the tree. I cannot myself feel that either in the matter of wisdom or in the matter of virtue Christ stands quite as high as some other people known to history. I think I should put Buddha and Socrates above Him in those respects.

The Emotional Factor

As I said before, I do not think that the real reason why people accept religion has anything to do with argumentation. They accept religion on emotional grounds. One is often told that it is a very wrong thing to attack religion, because religion makes men virtuous. So I am told; I have not noticed it. You know, of course, the parody of that argument in Samuel Butler's book, Erewhon Revisited. You will remember that in Erewhon there is a certain Higgs who arrives in a remote country, and after spending some time there he escapes from that country in a balloon. Twenty years later he comes back to that country and finds a new religion in which he is worshiped under the name of the "Sun Child," and it is said that he ascended into heaven. He finds that the Feast of the Ascension is about to be celebrated, and he hears Professors Hanky and Panky say to each other that they never set eyes on the man Higgs, and they hope they never will; but they are the high priests of the religion of the Sun Child. He is very indignant, and he comes up to them, and he says, "I am going to expose all this humbug and tell the people of Erewhon that it was only I, the man Higgs, and I went up in a balloon." He was told, "You must not do that, because all the morals of this country are bound round this myth, and if they once know that you did not ascend into Heaven they will all become wicked"; and so he is persuaded of that and he goes quietly away. That is the idea -- that we should all be wicked if we did not hold to the Christian religion. It seems to me that the people who have held to it have been for the most part extremely wicked. You find this curious fact, that the more intense has been the religion of any period and the more profound has been the dogmatic belief, the greater has been the cruelty and the worse has been the state of affairs. In the so-called ages of faith, when men really did believe the Christian religion in all its completeness, there was the Inquisition, with all its tortures; there were millions of unfortunate women burned as witches; and there was every kind of cruelty practiced upon all sorts of people in the name of religion.
 You find as you look around the world that every single bit of progress in humane feeling, every improvement in the criminal law, every step toward the diminution of war, every step toward better treatment of the colored races, or every mitigation of slavery, every moral progress that there has been in the world, has been consistently opposed by the organized churches of the world. I say quite deliberately that the Christian religion, as organized in its churches, has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world.

How the Churches Have Retarded Progress

You may think that I am going too far when I say that that is still so. I do not think that I am. Take one fact. You will bear with me if I mention it. It is not a pleasant fact, but the churches compel one to mention facts that are not pleasant. Supposing that in this world that we live in today an inexperienced girl is married to a syphilitic man; in that case the Catholic Church says, "This is an indissoluble sacrament. You must endure celibacy or stay together. And if you stay together, you must not use birth control to prevent the birth of syphilitic children." Nobody whose natural sympathies have not been warped by dogma, or whose moral nature was not absolutely dead to all sense of suffering, could maintain that it is right and proper that that state of things should continue. That is only an example. There are a great many ways in which, at the present moment, the church, by its insistence upon what it chooses to call morality, inflicts upon all sorts of people undeserved and unnecessary suffering. And of course, as we know, it is in its major part an opponent still of progress and improvement in all the ways that diminish suffering in the world, because it has chosen to label as morality a certain narrow set of rules of conduct which have nothing to do with human happiness; and when you say that this or that ought to be done because it would make for human happiness, they think that has nothing to do with the matter at all. "What has human happiness to do with morals? The object of morals is not to make people happy."

Fear, the Foundation of Religion

Religion is based, I think, primarily and mainly upon fear. It is partly the terror of the unknown and partly, as I have said, the wish to feel that you have a kind of elder brother who will stand by you in all your troubles and disputes. Fear is the basis of the whole thing -- fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. Fear is the parent of cruelty, and therefore it is no wonder if cruelty and religion have gone hand in hand. It is because fear is at the basis of those two things. In this world we can now begin a little to understand things, and a little to master them by help of science, which has forced its way step by step against the Christian religion, against the churches, and against the opposition of all the old precepts. Science can help us to get over this craven fear in which mankind has lived for so many generations. Science can teach us, and I think our own hearts can teach us, no longer to look around for imaginary supports, no longer to invent allies in the sky, but rather to look to our own efforts here below to make this world a better place to live in, instead of the sort of place that the churches in all these centuries have made it. 
 

What We Must Do

We want to stand upon our own feet and look fair and square at the world -- its good facts, its bad facts, its beauties, and its ugliness; see the world as it is and be not afraid of it. Conquer the world by intelligence and not merely by being slavishly subdued by the terror that comes from it. The whole conception of God is a conception derived from the ancient Oriental despotisms. It is a conception quite unworthy of free men. When you hear people in church debasing themselves and saying that they are miserable sinners, and all the rest of it, it seems contemptible and not worthy of self-respecting human beings. We ought to stand up and look the world frankly in the face. We ought to make the best we can of the world, and if it is not so good as we wish, after all it will still be better than what these others have made of it in all these ages. A good world needs knowledge, kindliness, and courage; it does not need a regretful hankering after the past or a fettering of the free intelligence by the words uttered long ago by ignorant men. It needs a fearless outlook and a free intelligence. It needs hope for the future, not looking back all the time toward a past that is dead, which we trust will be far surpassed by the future that our intelligence can create.