Courage.

Sigh.

Plan was to go running today, but I skipped it cause I didn't feel like running.

so ill-disciplined right.

Got reminded of this man I met while I was on my way for my run last week, when I met this old man.

he seemed to be lost, and approached me asking where this mall was. (I can't remember)

and he asked if this was woodlands and started speaking gibberish and he sounded so confused and all.

I don't really know why, but I felt intimidated by him and so i pointed him to the direction of the bus stop which is served by bus service 161.

Now that I think about it, could I have offered more assistance by walking him to the bus stop?

(I was concerned about being late for my run and not having enough time to finish the distance that I wanted to accomplish that evening but I was mainly intimidated by his body language and behavior.)

Something just held me back from helping cause I was scared.

you know, its not always easy to help someone out ):

Anyway, highlight of this week was outfield.

first one after so many months (5 months?) of not going to outfield cause we are mainly occupied with unconventional ops.

but yeah its not as bad cause there's no one screaming at us and fucking us even when we were doing correct things and making us confused and stuff like that.

bleh.

going to church tomorrow for the first time in a very long time too for Enrolment Service.

Gonna have to need some courage.

bleh.

rest.

So I've been on a good and long break.

Was on off on monday, thursday and friday. 

But in the end I cleared off on tuesday and wednesday too cause I wasn't needed in camp.

haha so thankful for this long break.

I've been very productive (according to my standards).
I'm done with the lecture series for Mechanics, and I'm only left with consolidation with the textbook and writing my notes. Next up will be waves, optics, and thermodynamics.
(a lot of counter-intuitive things in mechanics eh ): though I don't have much intuition in the first place haha)

AND I finally understand Archimedes Principle hahaha. VOLUME IS CONSERVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(how can I not know that right walao. see thats what I mean when I say I don't have much intuition/common sense)

I ran quite a bit too. hahaha. (or rather, jogged hahaha)

Anyway, met some people this week.

Went for a run with Melvyn on thursday.
Havn't seen the guys for so long.
caught up with him and stuff like that.
glad to know that he is doing well. (:

Went for NUS Open Day yesterday.
Met Yvonne there! She did very well for her A levels!
so glad for her (:
chanced upon some other juniors too. HAHA.

did nothing much there tho.
so crowded O.O

Went there to take a look at engineering actually, but nah didn't interest me one bit. BORING.
went to Science to talk to the professors and students hahaha. yup have a clearer idea now of what I wanna do (:

Went to CAPT to look for vivi! and to have a tour around the place.
hahah walao the place really nice!!!!!
really considering CAPT eh.
But talked to my mum about it and they said that it is very expensive >:

I went for a run yesterday night too!
and I met Eng Han! (haha Primary School friend who went on to RI and RJ.)
So we talked for quite a while.
funny how he didn't recognise me and I wasn't sure if it was him.

He is with the SPF as a SGT now, and is stationed at the airport. haha. SO COOL.
signed on with MOE to teach, and is gonna take English and History at FASS. haha.
So he was trying to persuade me to sign with MOE too, but nah. haha.
He is interested in CAPT too, and he asked me to sign up with him.

Well, I really want to, but need to see what my parents say bout it ):

so yup. (:
booking tonight after a week or not seeing the guys.
bleh.

choices.

In my dream I saw an enormous library. In this dream, the library was huge, of course — brown, concrete, plate-glass, enfolding. The concrete was brown and the building was huge, ugly in a beautiful way, enormous but I said that already, plate-glass and all of this heavy brown stone, like so very 1970s, so huge and stark that it became beautiful, like Brutalist architecture — you could look that up — like 1970s communist Brutalist architecture.

The windows of the library reflected the windows of the very similar-looking building across the street, so it was windows mirroring windows, glass mirroring glass, until everything became very smeared and stratospheric.

In my dream I approached the library and in my dream I knew what was inside. So I entered. The circulation desk, etc. The silent attendants behind the desk, except they seemed nice, and in fact were sort of quietly joking with each other.

Then the main stacks, the rows and rows of books, arranged by Dewey Decimal number, card catalog number. They still had card catalogs here, in this distant land. What the library contained was all the books that I would ever want to read, and each book was perfect, and each book would be better than the one before it. This is what I knew, going in, in the way that you know things like this.

I opened a book and started to read. Tolle, lege, etc. But then all the books were so wonderful, and the library was infinite. It became hard to concentrate on the one book, knowing that each book in the library would be the best book that I ever read. The book in my hands was the best book that I had ever read, but all the books in the library would be like that, and for a second, the book drooped in my hands, and I despaired. Why read this one and not that one. I saw myself, endlessly shuttling through stacks. But as soon as I picked up one book, another would be there to replace it, and so how to begin, or end, but also how to begin. Then I strengthened my hands and began, somewhat halfheartedly, to read the book that I already held in my hands. How to feel about all of this helplessness. To delight or despair at it.

In the morning I awoke. And I knew what the dream meant, and I knew what the library was.  

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/the-library/

Miss Atomic Bomb.