With our lives.

Hi y'all. Its been almost a month since I've posted anything here. haha. Well, I wanted to write, but I could only manage to finish everything bit by bit, so here's everything that has happened so far:

(Warning: Long post ahead!)
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Spent the few days of my block leave sleeping. well, don't ask how, my guess is that its food poisoning. (well it actually was food poisoning haha. just that it was not a major case) But I felt so horrible. can't imagine what would happen if I fall sick and no one's there to take care of me ): (haha yeah looks like venturing overseas isn't that easy afterall.)

Was reading through all that I've written throughout bmt, and I realised that the way I write focus on what happened instead of what I feel. I guess this is what actually happens when one begins going through the motions without a goal or something in mind.

"Just get this done and over with"

Its difficult not to become lazy and just go through the motions, giving substandard work.
It will be difficult, especially so later in life I guess, where we go to work everyday and do the same stuff over and over again.

How to prevent this? HAHA. don't ask me. I don't know either.
But I guess it takes a strong, passionate and committed person to find purpose in his work.
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This week has also been a timely reminder that death is a scary thing.
well, I guess that it is time that I have to start mustering the courage to deal with death.
It is going to be difficult, but its part of growing up, yes?
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Had my third and final PC interview last monday.

Well, I've always had this respect for my PC.
Hard to find such sincere people like him around.
And I really respect him because he admits his mistakes.

Though he is too nice sometimes, and its bad for him cause I think he takes a lot of work.

Anyway, he asked me what my greatest takeaway from bmt is.
I had a very hard time answering that question; I didn't learn anything from bmt, and I really didn't know what to say.
I've learnt a lot from my time in BB and those lessons were the ones which carried my through bmt, and I guess that was why I didn't learn anything - I've learnt whatever I needed in the army from BB.

And so I just came up with anything that I could think of.

"No matter how hard the situation, just stick through it."

And I think he could tell that I was smoking him, cause he asked me "Huh? shouldn't you already have learnt these kind of things already?"

hahaha. Well, I guess its one thing to learn a lesson and another to keep it with you for life.

But he was nice, and even complimented me on my optimism. (well, I really don't think I am as optimistic as he says haha.)

But then, he also mentioned that it is one thing to be optimistic, and another to be blindly optimistic, and I guess this is another one of my greatest takeaways.

Anyway, he asked me to start keeping a journal to keep track of all that happens.

"Teachable moments like these don't come by so often."

And that was when I realised that I have been focusing too much on lessons, and not the moments itself.
I've been taking teachable moments for granted I guess, which I told myself not to at the start, but I've somehow lost focus.

And that was how I got my greatest takeaways from bmt - during that final PC interview along Platoon 3's corridor.
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Anyway, talking about takeaways from BMT, I guess another one of my greatest takeaways from bmt, will be the people I've met, both the commanders and my fellow platoon mates.

For one, I think I've got the best commanders out of the whole coy. (:
2LT Weijing, SGTs Teckguan, Kuanjie and 'Ammar.
They're really the best lah. hehe. (:

And of course, there are some other commanders in my company whom I didn't like initially, but as time passed, I began to appreciate them more. (:

and there are some commanders whom made me realised what a commander shouldn't be.
And I am thankful for all of them.

And there's my section mates whom I've really owe so much to.
Learnt a lot from them,
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On the day of 24km Road March, morale was high. hahahaha.
can't remember much about it, except that:

1. final days leading up to POP.
Area Cleaning, Area Cleaning, and Area Cleaning.
hahaha. sian of Area cleaning man. But there was a sense of satisfaction after that cause coy line was so damn clean! hahaha.


2, Everyone played pranks on each other the night before.
camo each other's specs, add powder into their boots, syukri splashing algae water on Brandon (HAHAHA), Whole Falcon coy executing tactical movement to pranks each other at night, changing SGT TeckGuan's Rank.

3. We had our first canteen break on the last day (That was where I bought my 2 packets of sugar-free sweets - food poisoning suspect 1), and SGT TeckGuan brought us along. Before we went back to coy line, he asked tim if everyone was present, and he said yes. (forfeit if someone was missing was 200 pushups)

When we reached coy line, we realised that someone was missing (HAHAHA Chan Chuen suddenly disappeared) and SGT Teck Guan started asking tim where he was. But with that smile, (and we were still standing and not kissing the floor haha) we knew he was trolling.

Anyway, he left us with his 'last lesson' that we should be more cautious after we get posted into our new units, especially so since we get charged easily out there. Don't over-promise and under-deliver. only gets us into deep shit. haha. so thankful for him right :')

4. On the same day, we had time to rest in bunk and everyone slept very soundly (including me) (oh it was after the canteen break). I suddenly woke up and saw this person staring at me. GOT A SHOCK. hahaha. Turns out it was OC Sir checking on all of us. Heard from Sebastian that he actually peeled the skin from his feet and went to smell it to check for footrot. I didn't believe him at first. (HAHAHA can imagine everyone reading this to go eeyer and everything.)

You won't do it, I won't do it. But he did it for us. Us, his recruits. You know, he's really a very great commander who takes ownership of his men. I'm really blessed to have been under his care these few months in tekong. really really touched (':

He spoke to us shortly after that in Eagle-Falcon lecture Theatre. and he left us with 3 things which left quite a deep impression on me.

- keep your values close to you; its the only thing that'll guide your decisions when you have nothing left.

- Be proud of yourself. If you yourself are not proud of yourself, then who else will be proud of you and your achievements?

- Your experience is yours to create. No matter where we go, our mindset must be right, in order for us to make the best of what we have.

and with that, we ran up back to bunk, grabbed our FBO, and it was 24km Road March.
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24km Road March? hahaha. thought it was easy. but it was more tiring than I expected.

It started raining 3 minutes into our road march (merely crossed the first traffic light) and we became drenched. Got our abrasions and everything later on because of our wet uniforms. haha. but it was good.

They gave us alot of food! (haha my sweets dropped in my vest, and I still ate them, so.. food poisoning suspect 2)

East Coast was a total mindfuck. serious. Thought that we were going to exit east coast at 10pm. But we only did so at 2-3am. HAHAHA. so in my head, I went "its finishing soon" for more than 5 hours.

Ouch. hahaha.

Along the way, everyone was so tired along the way. (It was near Gardens by the Bay) and OC sir started singing. (: so everyone sang along (: it was a real morale booster. ((:

Lesson learnt: Don't underestimate Road Marches. They are easy. up to 16km that is. HAHAHAHA. Night road marches are really not easy. (especially when the person in front can't shut up! haha)
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We Reached Marina Bay Platform at around 4am. so we had time to sleep until 6am plus.

and that was it - the parade.

We didn't know what to expect there cause its really our first time there.
But the commanders were right - it did feel different there.
The bright morning sun, cooling breeze, cheering crowd; It was amazing.

well, I'll admit that i cried when we re-entered the parade square after returning our arms.
OC Sir, along with LTA Yeung, shook all of our hands and congratulated all of us.
and that was when I knew; that was when all of us knew, that it was the last time - the last time we'll be marching together.

You know those times when you know you want to cry, and you start controlling your breathing and your tears, but they come out worse than ever? Yeah - I came out a tear-stained mess.

I really didn't know why, but I guess, 4 months together, growing stronger together, its not easy to say goodbye just like that.

But I guess its doesn't end there. Its only the start of a long journey.
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So, block leave...

Diarrhea started on monday (vegetarian curry - suspect number 3, prawn mee after POP - suspect number 4) and I slept the day away.

Tuesday: Met up with Junjie for Dinner, and stayed over with the girls. Just whole day talk cock and sing song only ahhaha. (lol sing song until we woke leona's parents up hehe)
Watch the Great Magaician (wanted to watch it so long ago manz) and its not bad. (: it was good, it was good. (:

Wednesday - had breakfast at Hougang Macs with JJ and the girls, before heading back home.
and I SLEPT THE DAMN DAY AWAY CAUSE I HAD DIARRHEA. Period. ()

Thursday - spent the afternoon at titus's house with JJ and zhida playing halo.
(eh my halo skills improved a little after army! though still noob lah)

joined a few of the section mates for dinner later!
Robin, Weijie, Brandon, Tim, JinJie, Dom and Polly (Dom's gf). hehehe
(HAHA Dom and I were 40mins late for this one and weijie was so pissed hahahahah)
had Marshe at 313@somerset, and it was damn ATAS can!! .
though the food could have been better for its price (well, you rarely hear me say that food is not up to standard)
One thing for sure though, was that the company was great! .
Went to play pool after that! I take time to warm up, and I played pretty well after that. haha. though I only have a period of time where I perform before I actually start shooting like some ballz. .

Friday - Met up with the Section again! This time to play pool, LAN and to share our posting! haha everyone's posting sounds exciting. well, its good. (HAHAHA this time I was the early one so.. yeah nvm lah wait lor :P its karma heehe)
Still can't play DOTA -.- haha suck at it cause the game requires practice, and I don't really see the fun in it :P
But anyway, still a good day out with the guys. looks like it will be a long time before we can find time to meet up with each other, especially for the ocs guys. (:

Saturday - joined MX Oh in his city adventures. haha.
So went to beach road to restock on stuff (bloody hell I spent a whopping $22 there) (spenthrift mode on only at beach road), went to National library to find books for me to read, and walked around city area and talked. hehe ^^

Sunday!
Class Outing (which I was late again) to watch 'Painted Skin II'.
Good movie with a good storyline, (it was predictable, but the last part had a very good twist!)
The major explosions at the end spoiled the show though.
walked to Bras Basar Macs to lepakkkkk (oh I remember we walked robert to his church with his crutches hahaha) and met up with jerrie there.
While some of the peeps went home, Vivi, Jerrie, Mingxuan, Teckyan, and I met up with Joshua to try Korean BBQ. WHICH WAS SHIOK MAX OKAY. ^^ I still smile when I think of the food khahaha.

and that was block leave. Wanted to go overseas at first, but I guess spending it back home with good company isn't that bad either. (:
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Anyway, for those who still don't know, I got posted to RSAF to be a Air Defence Weapon Operator (ADWO). and that essentially means GBAD (Ground Based Air Defence) which is.. quite fierce lah. HAHA.

anyway, my first week was spent at Air Force Training Command (AFTC) for Airmen Orientation Progamme (AOP).

My Course Coordinator was 3WO benson and he's a damn awesome WO I swear. hahaha.
talked to him and yeah he's nice.

anyway, it was stayout for the whole week for ADWOs (Air Force technicians had to stay-in) and they oriented us with the various airforce commands and the RSAF as a whole.

Lectures are a pain in the ass. HAHA. want to sleep but cannot cause Warren Benson will wake us up.

We did have some special programmes.
Values Workshop on Tuesday, which made me think more deeply about things.
The difference between commitment and obligation, the purpose behind adding meaning into our work (haha double pun) and why we need to serve ns (well, rape of naking where the elderly suffer and the women get raped and etc etc sigh so depressing)

and there was one point which made a very deep impression on me, and it was that we should learn to handle money, because it is the root of all evil.

I've never liked talking about money, because I thought that it is the root of all evil, and
This made me realise that I am merely running away from the problem.
so.. yeah I need to grow up. haha.

Visited Sembawang Air Base and Chong Pang Camp on Thursday!
Well, all i can say is that I touched a helicopter! hehehe ^^

Air Force Museum on Friday was.. not bad too. haha
Well, anything is better than staying in camp :P hahaha.
Quite fun lah (:

so.. AOP was a good week. slackkkk hehehe :P
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So, Monday came, and I got notified that I got posted to Chong Pang Camp (Its in Yishun)

They do real ops, so its quite classified and well, I can't talk much about what we do in there anymore..


"This is as real as it gets."

so, I guess whenever I blog, it'll be book reviews or movie reviews or shows or whatever I'm doing hehehe. (since I have much time now.)

The next 10 weeks of training won't be easy, so I'll have to hang in there.

This week did make me realise why I always feel that I am not trying my best.
When was the last time I felt like dying after a run?

hahaha.

I keep pulling back.
stayed too long in my comfort zone.
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Went for MOE tea session today..

Well, i sort of decided that MOE's not the organisation for me.
You know, after secondary school, I was so keen on teaching, on helping people, on becoming a teacher.

But after going through JC and having seen how ungrateful some people can be, I figured out that I no longer want to commit myself to people who refuse to commit to me.

so.. whats next? I don't know.
But I gotta act fast.
The next deadline is coming soon.
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I have bad posture.
Need to walk and sit up straight!
Body's too used to the hunch.

Don't wanna injure my back during training.
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long post huh.
hahaha.
yeah, result of procasination hehe.

have a lot of shows to watch now!
TBBT, Fringe, HIMYM, Criminal Minds.
hahaha so exciting man (:

next week of training will not be easy.
Just hang in there, Just hang in there.

We are young.

6 more hours to book in.

This week has been a very humbling week.
got my hopes up high, and crushed into pieces.
assumed so many things, and got proven wrong again, again and again.
got reminded of the very lessons I never wanted to forget.

BIC on monday.
Well, it was fun.
hahahaha. GPMG rounds flying overhead, leopard crawling.
well, fun 10 mins.


Got scolded by the SME though.
check clear when i wasn't supposed to.
ah fuck it lah haha.


Preparation for 'Unleash it all' on monday night.
I didn't feel good.
It was the same damned feeling I had during the pre-A level period.
The feeling that we won't make it, that we will screw up and let everyone down.

But it wasn't in my control.
If everyone doesn't give a shit, me trying to push the whole project along with my own might alone won't help at all.

It takes a true leader to continue pressing on, no matter what happens, no matter how dismay the situation.
and well, I keep telling myself that; I know how important it is not to give up, even more so when everyone else has.
But I just felt horrible; like it was reminding me of this period of my life when everything just went wrong.
and I just couldn't press on.

I need to stay strong, sure and stedfast.

Anyway, games day on tuesday.
We lost everything except for hydrochange.
so close to winning tug-of-war and chain of command man.
but oh well.


anyway, we got 2nd for 'Unleash it all'.
which was damn unexpected cause Dragon and Falcon were good and they deserved to be the winners.
but looks like this is another reminder that things will always turn out different from what I expect.
It always does right?


Life works in mysterious ways.


Tuesday night was Drill com prep and Wednesday was Drill Competition itself.
We got second for it. so close to winning it.
And we lost because of one annoying motherfucker who did saluting with arms with the wrong hands.
And we lost best company award because we didn't win drill comp.
so close.

I remember CPT Fong saying that it only takes one mistake for everything to be screwed.
and this is it.
Just that one mistake; so much was at stake.

But whats done is done I guess.

Thursday was re-IPPT.
and i didn't make it.
But oh well, lets wait for my posting then.

Letting the wind bring me around isn't that bad after all.
Why fight against the wind, when you can't?

Recruit's Evening on Thursday Night!
Quite enjoyable, though I wasn't that high.
But it was definitely a night to remember.

Friday was a whole day of company admin time.
didn't even know why we stayed. hahaha.
UMPC out-pro (bye motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrr hahaha feels great to say goodbye to that burden. good riddance)

And there was a leadership talk for the top 30% of the BMT cohort.
well, I had to go for it.

This is when I can say that I made it, and regardless of where I go, I now know that my efforts weren't wasted.
of course, couldn't have done it without my section mates.
I owe it to everyone of them (:

Thanks bros. (:
owe it to all of you.

Anyway, Falcon won best company award.
Well, I think they really deserve it, cause they care about winning.
not like many others who don't give a shit at all.

short bookout this weekend I guess.
didn't have any plans so the past two days were spent at home.

second last book in in 2 hours time.
so cya. (:

Obese.

Lazy to start writing, but I really have to get my thoughts down.

this week has been real slow.
Don't know why either, but I guess its mostly because of unleash it all and ippt.

Crossing my fingers for unleash it all.
I have this feeling that we're going to be fine, but with things as it is now, I think we will screw up big time.
things aren't in my control, so I guess the only thing I can do is pray bout it?
funny how i'm saying this. lol.

didn't do very well for ippt as well.
injured back, fever, well, i'm forever trying to find excuses.

been thinking alot ever since I injured my back.
Accidents happen - you'll never know when they'll happen.
I wanted to make these two years meaningful, and I thought command school was the way to go.
But I guess being a normal man isn't that bad after all.
I can find meaning in other things I do, and I really kinda think being a man is better.
well, still gonna try and clear ippt.
Just want to stay safe these two years.

why did all my motivation and fight go?

I realised that I have a very 'obese' mind.
well, not to generalise, cause I think some of the obese recruits have much stronger will then i have/.
but I give up easily I guess.
not sure if that used to be the case, but doesn't matter, cause thats the case for me now.

I think I'm good at something, and I become complacent and start looking down on others whom I think are not as good.
total scumbag.
and soon they'll catch up with me and I get demoralised and I give up.
serves me right? i don't know.

but well, really lost now.
havn't had time to sit down and sort myself out.
well, I don't know where to start as well, so.. yeah.

anyway, weekends are still fun (:

went kayaking with ms koh and chris last saturday.
cleared my blocked nose haha.
well, need a little getting used to the kayak again.
keep losing control of the kayak. hahaha noobb.
and we saw this big ass jellyfish omg.
and I capsized myself by accident hahaha crap.

next, met up with the guys and watched Prometheus.
the movie was okay only, haha not say excellent or what.
but there was this scene on the operation.. I went wtf wtf WTF hahahah.

Went to Zoo with my sis, bro and cuz last sunday.
Well, it was fun (:
havn't been there for some time so it was nice looking at animals.
though many would argue that we should stop encaging them blah blah blah.
oh well.

16km road march this thursday.
the best road march yet. (:

booked out friday morning and met up with mx later to collect our sgc.
hahaha hung out a little with santosa and dropped by pasir ris for a little while heh.
then had dinner with mx cause robert's friend was going to drive him around.
eh pangsehhhhhhhhh hahaha.

went to help out at APC yesterday.
had been more than a year since i've been at a BB function.
was on car park duty hehehe.

anyway, went out with the other primers (inclusive of chow, jianzhong and bokchong) + ms koh for dinner @ JustAsia hehehe.
And we went to watch SADAKO next.
the movie was... scary at some parts, and quite funny at others hahaha.
luckily I didn't watch it in 3D hahaha.
I should try watching more horror movies eh.
heheh.

anyway, bok's dad sent me back after the movie cause there were no more trains around.
so nice right (: hehe.

had a nice time with choo this morning. (:
well, talked about many things.
hehe.

anyway, this week is gonna be stressful.
BIC + games day + re-ippt.

gonna need all that I've got.

gonna need to resume my plans already.

I need some caffeine.

hello.
2 weeks since the last entry huh.
can't remember much of what happened, everything is going so fast it is all a blur.

1. found out that I actually don't like voicing my dissatisfactions.
in a way it is good, cause I don't complain much, but then I explode when I take too much crap from others without giving them a warning sign.
so yeah, gotta tell others when i am unhappy I guess. haha.

2. There's much more at stake than I thought there was.
I was so childish.
gotta grow up and be more responsible for my actions and decisions.

3. I'm blindly optimistic.
Tend to become complacent and think I can do everything.
but there are physical limits.
one can push them, but not break them.
who did I think i was huh.
of course, I'm not saying we shouldn't try, but have realistic expectations I guess.

muscles will only grow after they are torn and worn out.
so I guess getting a few hard knocks here and there will make me realise important lessons that I must remember.

anyway, field camp was over last week.
I wasn't as bad as I thought it'll be.
well I guess CPT Fong protected us from all the turnouts and etc.

Day 1 was 8km road march (which was alright)
got punished by OC sir himself cause all of us were avoiding the puddles of water along the way.
(haha it was actually quite shiok)
pitched our basha, dug the drainage, and went on to movement in day and night.

Day 2 started with rifle PT which wasn't as bad as I thought would be.
well, it was a little tiring but at least it wasn't shag hehehe.
went on to fire movement to the front and rear, and the day ended with a flashbang demo by encik.

I was selected to be field camp IC on Day 2.
well, was quite happy.
didn't screw up except when the duffle bags were all over the place and 2LT Wei Jing scolded me because of the ill-discipline of the platoon.

"hey you know you don't have to do everything on your own, right?"

well, heard that only the better performing ones get chosen as field camp IC, so better grab the chance.
need to pass IPPT. that 4cm! come'on.

Day 3 was shellscrape.
took a good 4-6 hours digging mine cause my spot was untouched.
haha, oh well. overestimated myself.

"Have you ever wondered, what happens if you die?"

SGT Teck Guan and 2LT Wei Jing talked to us and well, thinking about it made me sad.
There's much more at stake than just me.

so what if I die?
Yes, it is the end of my dreams, but its not the end of the story.
how would everyone who ever know me feel?
what would they be thinking?
what would my family feel?

there so much more at stake.
and I gotta start fighting for all of these.

slept in the shellscrape at night.
haha made myself quite comfortable I guess.
except for the fact that it was wet and cold, it all went well. (haha heng no ant attack)

Day 4 was the fire movement test.
and packed up and proceeded to SIT Test site.

sat down and had fielc cooking.
and the section just talked.
its a beautiful memory i guess.

talked to dominic at night about lots of things too.
about our lives thus far, our plans, what we think of certain issues.
it was a good talk (:
he's a good and wise man.

"Its not only that one year. You'll feel like you are always lagging behind. All your life."

It only takes one mistake.

Sit test?
well, I barely spoke more than 10 sentences each day. (haha die)
but both my missions (as IC and 2IC) were successful.
well, thankful that I got nice assessors. (:

NUS rejected my scholarship application.
well, didn't see it coming, but yeah gotta execute plan B already.
will revise my plans again.

brief summary of this week: (booking in soon and am in a rush of time)

monday was UO.
safety time out (shall not disclose much here) for a few hours.

tuesday - 12km road march.
shoulders did ache a little.

wednesday - got screwed cause of last week.
did eq check at night and got our overdue 1x good one. hehehe.
also rehearsed for GP.

thurursday - PT
AGR sucked.
no motivation at all.
feel lethargic for many PT lessons.
I guess I need something to spur me on.

friday - our platoon had a session with SGT TG and PC WJ about command school.
well, it all sounds interesting.
don't know if I can make it, but I want to.
I have a calling.

need to try harder.

Saturday - RT for half an hour only cause of the rain.
so went back to bunk.
AND LOCKED BRANDON IN HIS BED hahaha.
and once gozilla broke loose, POWDER WAR! SMOKE OUT.
haha epic (:

love platoon 3. (:

kay gotta go.
hee bye!

and thank you for this whole week (:

Biscuit.

well, these 2 weeks have been full of high key events.

our first 6km road march, IMT/BTP (range), Hand Grenade, IPPT.

was short of 4cm to pass ippt for sbj.

but if I don't make it, I don't.

so oh well, here's to the next ippt!

was very down these two weeks, sort of an all time low for this period.

realised how conceited I was.

and realised how far away I was from my goals as well.

don't think nus is offering me a scholarship cause I havn't received any reply.

But oh well, so far no news, so shall take it as good news.

but need to keep my spirits up.

field camp tomorrow.

note to myself:

stay optimistic, don't give up. just a little bit more. bit by bit. hang in there. just keep trying. be disciplined, control myself, and help everyone else.

alright, so, do the best you can, no regrets, stay happy.

thats all I want from myself.