Obese.

Lazy to start writing, but I really have to get my thoughts down.

this week has been real slow.
Don't know why either, but I guess its mostly because of unleash it all and ippt.

Crossing my fingers for unleash it all.
I have this feeling that we're going to be fine, but with things as it is now, I think we will screw up big time.
things aren't in my control, so I guess the only thing I can do is pray bout it?
funny how i'm saying this. lol.

didn't do very well for ippt as well.
injured back, fever, well, i'm forever trying to find excuses.

been thinking alot ever since I injured my back.
Accidents happen - you'll never know when they'll happen.
I wanted to make these two years meaningful, and I thought command school was the way to go.
But I guess being a normal man isn't that bad after all.
I can find meaning in other things I do, and I really kinda think being a man is better.
well, still gonna try and clear ippt.
Just want to stay safe these two years.

why did all my motivation and fight go?

I realised that I have a very 'obese' mind.
well, not to generalise, cause I think some of the obese recruits have much stronger will then i have/.
but I give up easily I guess.
not sure if that used to be the case, but doesn't matter, cause thats the case for me now.

I think I'm good at something, and I become complacent and start looking down on others whom I think are not as good.
total scumbag.
and soon they'll catch up with me and I get demoralised and I give up.
serves me right? i don't know.

but well, really lost now.
havn't had time to sit down and sort myself out.
well, I don't know where to start as well, so.. yeah.

anyway, weekends are still fun (:

went kayaking with ms koh and chris last saturday.
cleared my blocked nose haha.
well, need a little getting used to the kayak again.
keep losing control of the kayak. hahaha noobb.
and we saw this big ass jellyfish omg.
and I capsized myself by accident hahaha crap.

next, met up with the guys and watched Prometheus.
the movie was okay only, haha not say excellent or what.
but there was this scene on the operation.. I went wtf wtf WTF hahahah.

Went to Zoo with my sis, bro and cuz last sunday.
Well, it was fun (:
havn't been there for some time so it was nice looking at animals.
though many would argue that we should stop encaging them blah blah blah.
oh well.

16km road march this thursday.
the best road march yet. (:

booked out friday morning and met up with mx later to collect our sgc.
hahaha hung out a little with santosa and dropped by pasir ris for a little while heh.
then had dinner with mx cause robert's friend was going to drive him around.
eh pangsehhhhhhhhh hahaha.

went to help out at APC yesterday.
had been more than a year since i've been at a BB function.
was on car park duty hehehe.

anyway, went out with the other primers (inclusive of chow, jianzhong and bokchong) + ms koh for dinner @ JustAsia hehehe.
And we went to watch SADAKO next.
the movie was... scary at some parts, and quite funny at others hahaha.
luckily I didn't watch it in 3D hahaha.
I should try watching more horror movies eh.
heheh.

anyway, bok's dad sent me back after the movie cause there were no more trains around.
so nice right (: hehe.

had a nice time with choo this morning. (:
well, talked about many things.
hehe.

anyway, this week is gonna be stressful.
BIC + games day + re-ippt.

gonna need all that I've got.

gonna need to resume my plans already.

I need some caffeine.

hello.
2 weeks since the last entry huh.
can't remember much of what happened, everything is going so fast it is all a blur.

1. found out that I actually don't like voicing my dissatisfactions.
in a way it is good, cause I don't complain much, but then I explode when I take too much crap from others without giving them a warning sign.
so yeah, gotta tell others when i am unhappy I guess. haha.

2. There's much more at stake than I thought there was.
I was so childish.
gotta grow up and be more responsible for my actions and decisions.

3. I'm blindly optimistic.
Tend to become complacent and think I can do everything.
but there are physical limits.
one can push them, but not break them.
who did I think i was huh.
of course, I'm not saying we shouldn't try, but have realistic expectations I guess.

muscles will only grow after they are torn and worn out.
so I guess getting a few hard knocks here and there will make me realise important lessons that I must remember.

anyway, field camp was over last week.
I wasn't as bad as I thought it'll be.
well I guess CPT Fong protected us from all the turnouts and etc.

Day 1 was 8km road march (which was alright)
got punished by OC sir himself cause all of us were avoiding the puddles of water along the way.
(haha it was actually quite shiok)
pitched our basha, dug the drainage, and went on to movement in day and night.

Day 2 started with rifle PT which wasn't as bad as I thought would be.
well, it was a little tiring but at least it wasn't shag hehehe.
went on to fire movement to the front and rear, and the day ended with a flashbang demo by encik.

I was selected to be field camp IC on Day 2.
well, was quite happy.
didn't screw up except when the duffle bags were all over the place and 2LT Wei Jing scolded me because of the ill-discipline of the platoon.

"hey you know you don't have to do everything on your own, right?"

well, heard that only the better performing ones get chosen as field camp IC, so better grab the chance.
need to pass IPPT. that 4cm! come'on.

Day 3 was shellscrape.
took a good 4-6 hours digging mine cause my spot was untouched.
haha, oh well. overestimated myself.

"Have you ever wondered, what happens if you die?"

SGT Teck Guan and 2LT Wei Jing talked to us and well, thinking about it made me sad.
There's much more at stake than just me.

so what if I die?
Yes, it is the end of my dreams, but its not the end of the story.
how would everyone who ever know me feel?
what would they be thinking?
what would my family feel?

there so much more at stake.
and I gotta start fighting for all of these.

slept in the shellscrape at night.
haha made myself quite comfortable I guess.
except for the fact that it was wet and cold, it all went well. (haha heng no ant attack)

Day 4 was the fire movement test.
and packed up and proceeded to SIT Test site.

sat down and had fielc cooking.
and the section just talked.
its a beautiful memory i guess.

talked to dominic at night about lots of things too.
about our lives thus far, our plans, what we think of certain issues.
it was a good talk (:
he's a good and wise man.

"Its not only that one year. You'll feel like you are always lagging behind. All your life."

It only takes one mistake.

Sit test?
well, I barely spoke more than 10 sentences each day. (haha die)
but both my missions (as IC and 2IC) were successful.
well, thankful that I got nice assessors. (:

NUS rejected my scholarship application.
well, didn't see it coming, but yeah gotta execute plan B already.
will revise my plans again.

brief summary of this week: (booking in soon and am in a rush of time)

monday was UO.
safety time out (shall not disclose much here) for a few hours.

tuesday - 12km road march.
shoulders did ache a little.

wednesday - got screwed cause of last week.
did eq check at night and got our overdue 1x good one. hehehe.
also rehearsed for GP.

thurursday - PT
AGR sucked.
no motivation at all.
feel lethargic for many PT lessons.
I guess I need something to spur me on.

friday - our platoon had a session with SGT TG and PC WJ about command school.
well, it all sounds interesting.
don't know if I can make it, but I want to.
I have a calling.

need to try harder.

Saturday - RT for half an hour only cause of the rain.
so went back to bunk.
AND LOCKED BRANDON IN HIS BED hahaha.
and once gozilla broke loose, POWDER WAR! SMOKE OUT.
haha epic (:

love platoon 3. (:

kay gotta go.
hee bye!

and thank you for this whole week (:

Biscuit.

well, these 2 weeks have been full of high key events.

our first 6km road march, IMT/BTP (range), Hand Grenade, IPPT.

was short of 4cm to pass ippt for sbj.

but if I don't make it, I don't.

so oh well, here's to the next ippt!

was very down these two weeks, sort of an all time low for this period.

realised how conceited I was.

and realised how far away I was from my goals as well.

don't think nus is offering me a scholarship cause I havn't received any reply.

But oh well, so far no news, so shall take it as good news.

but need to keep my spirits up.

field camp tomorrow.

note to myself:

stay optimistic, don't give up. just a little bit more. bit by bit. hang in there. just keep trying. be disciplined, control myself, and help everyone else.

alright, so, do the best you can, no regrets, stay happy.

thats all I want from myself.

rife, buddy and me.

"I will do today what others won't, so that I can do tomorrow what others can't." 

- Lester

This week was fast, but i'm really not sure why it was so damn long.

felt like forever man, just that it was enjoyable ^^ hehehe

1. week full of fire.

fire near tekong island, fire at apache/broncho audi while we were there, and that false fire alarm on sunday night at 1am (which we all thought was another damned turnout haha)

all of us rushed down with our helmets and fire extinguishers and fell in, and went to coy line office.

sgt kuanjie was sleeping inside, and when we woke him up he had that FML face haha damn funny.

and falcon was like "f***ing false alarm go back sleep" hahahaha.

but it was fun, just that it made everyone tired the next day.

2. IPPT on wednesday.
pull up status: 4.
improving fast, hope to reach 5 by next week!

sbj status:203
improving but not fast enough!
come'onnnnnnnn.

situps: 29
fail haha knn f**** shit wth
need to train again #sian hate situps

shuttle run: 10.5s
could have been 10.2, need to be a little faster

2.4km run: 10:53min
yes, touched 10mins, next aim is 10:20min

well need to work alot harder I guess.
rawr.

3. scorpion time this week! (oh ask me why I call free time scorpion time. please)
lots of periods i guess, haha damn shiok.

4. SOC lesson 1.
can clear low rope, yet to try low wall, but all is good (:

5. IFC
damn freaking fun.
but can forsee getting trashed by the sgts with our current performance haha.

6. New recruits came in this week!
saw some people I know in school 1 and 2 hahaha.
but so pissed cause the platoon keeps singing the bookout songs infront of them which I think was stupid behaviour.
being in the army is not an excuse for us not to think about other's feelings and morale.
but they just can't stop so.... sigh.
anyway, looking forward to pop-ing with them!

7. Dominic sat down and told me, that I am too helpful.
well, its not a bad thing totally, but he said that firstly, he doesn't want me to get worn out, and secondly, when I help others, I expect others to help me as well, and most of the time I don't get that help I want and it affects my morale.
and I was shocked cause he totally read me like a book.
so I guess I got to keep my expectations of others in check.
but with other people not being proactive, how can I not volunteer to do stuff?

7. well, shalln't talk about this one.
just that sometimes things happen.

gonna talk to the commanders and try and find a solution for this one.
but it happened right in front of me, and I could do nothing to stop it.

sigh oh well, things happen.

k thx bye gonna sleep and book in tmr.
haha well this is army life HAHA.

next week gonna be exciting!
Markmenship training (both computerised and real range), 6km road march in long 4, Urban ops (which is likely to be postponed or suspended due to the many accidents that has been happening)

and of course, college day (going to see the teachers!), FoS open house (which I don't think I'll be going cause of college day), and dental checkup (aww fml)

then its one bookout and fieldcamp.

gotta be mentally prepared.

go go go.

Lead, Excel, Overcome.

Interesting week this has been.

Early book in on monday night for guard duty on tuesday.
Not that bad - the SGTs we got were nice, though the duty SGT was annoying at times.

prowled ladang camp with weijie.
and we just talked.
science, religion, relationships, mistakes from the past, everything under the sun.
haha well i'm really glad I did duty with him. (:

walkie-talkie language is interesting. haha.

There was a thunder storm halfway when we were prowling ladang during our second shift.
AND IT WAS FUCKING SCARY.
loudest thunder strike I ever heard.
and I was like FUCK WE'RE GONNA DIE.
but it was memorable cause we kept talking and talking without stopping - people we both know, nature, and lots of other things.

and I learnt some stuff from him I guess.
like how it is common to get cocky once in a while (always unhappy with myself because of that); it is not alright, but we shouldn't put ourselves down because of it. Instead, we should constantly check ourselves.

Night Duty was Sentry (I got Apache Gate with Weijie for first midnight shift and a Perm Staff for second midnight shift)
Didn't manage to get any sleep during breaks (was busy doing peer appraisal which was homework HAHAHA)
but it was alright cause I didn't feel sleepy. haha.

Anyway, the SGT I got for Sentry was very nice.
He asked me to sleep even though I wasn't tired cause he knew that I had training later and needed.
Didn't sleep though - talked to him until 0530 when we left for Guardhouse.

shall keep the stuff he told me secret (INTERNET IS OPEN HAHA SUCKERS)
All I can say is that it'll be a new adventure wherever I'm posted to after BMT.

Thursday went past quick - sleepy + cranky cause of lack of sleep.
But everyone was so sweet.
HAHA Dylan Khoo was the sweetest (awwwwwwwwwwww) He bought strepsils for me! ((: (sweet... get it? HAHA)
Platoon, Company and Individual Photoshoot.
I really love Platoon 3 (:
Disfucntionally functional (:

Today was fast as well.

PT in the morning, and it was bookout to Singapore Discovery Center!
Army Museum (which was quite interesting and amazing)
Want to go on a overseas peacekeeping/humanitarian aid mission if I have the chance!

Tour to SAFTI as well. (didn't know it was open to the public haha)

To Lead, To Excel, To Overcome.
How can I lead and overcome challenges if I don't excel?
Must make sure I am up there before trying.
Well, OCS is still far from sight, not sure if I can make it anymore.
Kenneth was saying how my confidence is wavering hahaha.
but oh well, fighting spirit, and a little bit more consistency, perserverence, and initiative.

I'm becoming very insensitive towards others - need to start keeping myself in check.

Had dinner with section 4/Platoon 3 peeps @ Carl's Jr.
HAHAHA SHIT gained back all the weight I shed.
but HECK HAHAHAHA.

well, I'm back here at home.
Avengers with Class peeps tmr, and outing with leona Bree and JJ on Sunday.
and book in!

May Batch coming in next week.
and the real challenge starts - PTP ends, and BMT phase starts next week.

Need to start fighting harder, harder HARDER.





keep fighting.