I need some caffeine.

hello.
2 weeks since the last entry huh.
can't remember much of what happened, everything is going so fast it is all a blur.

1. found out that I actually don't like voicing my dissatisfactions.
in a way it is good, cause I don't complain much, but then I explode when I take too much crap from others without giving them a warning sign.
so yeah, gotta tell others when i am unhappy I guess. haha.

2. There's much more at stake than I thought there was.
I was so childish.
gotta grow up and be more responsible for my actions and decisions.

3. I'm blindly optimistic.
Tend to become complacent and think I can do everything.
but there are physical limits.
one can push them, but not break them.
who did I think i was huh.
of course, I'm not saying we shouldn't try, but have realistic expectations I guess.

muscles will only grow after they are torn and worn out.
so I guess getting a few hard knocks here and there will make me realise important lessons that I must remember.

anyway, field camp was over last week.
I wasn't as bad as I thought it'll be.
well I guess CPT Fong protected us from all the turnouts and etc.

Day 1 was 8km road march (which was alright)
got punished by OC sir himself cause all of us were avoiding the puddles of water along the way.
(haha it was actually quite shiok)
pitched our basha, dug the drainage, and went on to movement in day and night.

Day 2 started with rifle PT which wasn't as bad as I thought would be.
well, it was a little tiring but at least it wasn't shag hehehe.
went on to fire movement to the front and rear, and the day ended with a flashbang demo by encik.

I was selected to be field camp IC on Day 2.
well, was quite happy.
didn't screw up except when the duffle bags were all over the place and 2LT Wei Jing scolded me because of the ill-discipline of the platoon.

"hey you know you don't have to do everything on your own, right?"

well, heard that only the better performing ones get chosen as field camp IC, so better grab the chance.
need to pass IPPT. that 4cm! come'on.

Day 3 was shellscrape.
took a good 4-6 hours digging mine cause my spot was untouched.
haha, oh well. overestimated myself.

"Have you ever wondered, what happens if you die?"

SGT Teck Guan and 2LT Wei Jing talked to us and well, thinking about it made me sad.
There's much more at stake than just me.

so what if I die?
Yes, it is the end of my dreams, but its not the end of the story.
how would everyone who ever know me feel?
what would they be thinking?
what would my family feel?

there so much more at stake.
and I gotta start fighting for all of these.

slept in the shellscrape at night.
haha made myself quite comfortable I guess.
except for the fact that it was wet and cold, it all went well. (haha heng no ant attack)

Day 4 was the fire movement test.
and packed up and proceeded to SIT Test site.

sat down and had fielc cooking.
and the section just talked.
its a beautiful memory i guess.

talked to dominic at night about lots of things too.
about our lives thus far, our plans, what we think of certain issues.
it was a good talk (:
he's a good and wise man.

"Its not only that one year. You'll feel like you are always lagging behind. All your life."

It only takes one mistake.

Sit test?
well, I barely spoke more than 10 sentences each day. (haha die)
but both my missions (as IC and 2IC) were successful.
well, thankful that I got nice assessors. (:

NUS rejected my scholarship application.
well, didn't see it coming, but yeah gotta execute plan B already.
will revise my plans again.

brief summary of this week: (booking in soon and am in a rush of time)

monday was UO.
safety time out (shall not disclose much here) for a few hours.

tuesday - 12km road march.
shoulders did ache a little.

wednesday - got screwed cause of last week.
did eq check at night and got our overdue 1x good one. hehehe.
also rehearsed for GP.

thurursday - PT
AGR sucked.
no motivation at all.
feel lethargic for many PT lessons.
I guess I need something to spur me on.

friday - our platoon had a session with SGT TG and PC WJ about command school.
well, it all sounds interesting.
don't know if I can make it, but I want to.
I have a calling.

need to try harder.

Saturday - RT for half an hour only cause of the rain.
so went back to bunk.
AND LOCKED BRANDON IN HIS BED hahaha.
and once gozilla broke loose, POWDER WAR! SMOKE OUT.
haha epic (:

love platoon 3. (:

kay gotta go.
hee bye!

and thank you for this whole week (:

Biscuit.

well, these 2 weeks have been full of high key events.

our first 6km road march, IMT/BTP (range), Hand Grenade, IPPT.

was short of 4cm to pass ippt for sbj.

but if I don't make it, I don't.

so oh well, here's to the next ippt!

was very down these two weeks, sort of an all time low for this period.

realised how conceited I was.

and realised how far away I was from my goals as well.

don't think nus is offering me a scholarship cause I havn't received any reply.

But oh well, so far no news, so shall take it as good news.

but need to keep my spirits up.

field camp tomorrow.

note to myself:

stay optimistic, don't give up. just a little bit more. bit by bit. hang in there. just keep trying. be disciplined, control myself, and help everyone else.

alright, so, do the best you can, no regrets, stay happy.

thats all I want from myself.

rife, buddy and me.

"I will do today what others won't, so that I can do tomorrow what others can't." 

- Lester

This week was fast, but i'm really not sure why it was so damn long.

felt like forever man, just that it was enjoyable ^^ hehehe

1. week full of fire.

fire near tekong island, fire at apache/broncho audi while we were there, and that false fire alarm on sunday night at 1am (which we all thought was another damned turnout haha)

all of us rushed down with our helmets and fire extinguishers and fell in, and went to coy line office.

sgt kuanjie was sleeping inside, and when we woke him up he had that FML face haha damn funny.

and falcon was like "f***ing false alarm go back sleep" hahahaha.

but it was fun, just that it made everyone tired the next day.

2. IPPT on wednesday.
pull up status: 4.
improving fast, hope to reach 5 by next week!

sbj status:203
improving but not fast enough!
come'onnnnnnnn.

situps: 29
fail haha knn f**** shit wth
need to train again #sian hate situps

shuttle run: 10.5s
could have been 10.2, need to be a little faster

2.4km run: 10:53min
yes, touched 10mins, next aim is 10:20min

well need to work alot harder I guess.
rawr.

3. scorpion time this week! (oh ask me why I call free time scorpion time. please)
lots of periods i guess, haha damn shiok.

4. SOC lesson 1.
can clear low rope, yet to try low wall, but all is good (:

5. IFC
damn freaking fun.
but can forsee getting trashed by the sgts with our current performance haha.

6. New recruits came in this week!
saw some people I know in school 1 and 2 hahaha.
but so pissed cause the platoon keeps singing the bookout songs infront of them which I think was stupid behaviour.
being in the army is not an excuse for us not to think about other's feelings and morale.
but they just can't stop so.... sigh.
anyway, looking forward to pop-ing with them!

7. Dominic sat down and told me, that I am too helpful.
well, its not a bad thing totally, but he said that firstly, he doesn't want me to get worn out, and secondly, when I help others, I expect others to help me as well, and most of the time I don't get that help I want and it affects my morale.
and I was shocked cause he totally read me like a book.
so I guess I got to keep my expectations of others in check.
but with other people not being proactive, how can I not volunteer to do stuff?

7. well, shalln't talk about this one.
just that sometimes things happen.

gonna talk to the commanders and try and find a solution for this one.
but it happened right in front of me, and I could do nothing to stop it.

sigh oh well, things happen.

k thx bye gonna sleep and book in tmr.
haha well this is army life HAHA.

next week gonna be exciting!
Markmenship training (both computerised and real range), 6km road march in long 4, Urban ops (which is likely to be postponed or suspended due to the many accidents that has been happening)

and of course, college day (going to see the teachers!), FoS open house (which I don't think I'll be going cause of college day), and dental checkup (aww fml)

then its one bookout and fieldcamp.

gotta be mentally prepared.

go go go.

Lead, Excel, Overcome.

Interesting week this has been.

Early book in on monday night for guard duty on tuesday.
Not that bad - the SGTs we got were nice, though the duty SGT was annoying at times.

prowled ladang camp with weijie.
and we just talked.
science, religion, relationships, mistakes from the past, everything under the sun.
haha well i'm really glad I did duty with him. (:

walkie-talkie language is interesting. haha.

There was a thunder storm halfway when we were prowling ladang during our second shift.
AND IT WAS FUCKING SCARY.
loudest thunder strike I ever heard.
and I was like FUCK WE'RE GONNA DIE.
but it was memorable cause we kept talking and talking without stopping - people we both know, nature, and lots of other things.

and I learnt some stuff from him I guess.
like how it is common to get cocky once in a while (always unhappy with myself because of that); it is not alright, but we shouldn't put ourselves down because of it. Instead, we should constantly check ourselves.

Night Duty was Sentry (I got Apache Gate with Weijie for first midnight shift and a Perm Staff for second midnight shift)
Didn't manage to get any sleep during breaks (was busy doing peer appraisal which was homework HAHAHA)
but it was alright cause I didn't feel sleepy. haha.

Anyway, the SGT I got for Sentry was very nice.
He asked me to sleep even though I wasn't tired cause he knew that I had training later and needed.
Didn't sleep though - talked to him until 0530 when we left for Guardhouse.

shall keep the stuff he told me secret (INTERNET IS OPEN HAHA SUCKERS)
All I can say is that it'll be a new adventure wherever I'm posted to after BMT.

Thursday went past quick - sleepy + cranky cause of lack of sleep.
But everyone was so sweet.
HAHA Dylan Khoo was the sweetest (awwwwwwwwwwww) He bought strepsils for me! ((: (sweet... get it? HAHA)
Platoon, Company and Individual Photoshoot.
I really love Platoon 3 (:
Disfucntionally functional (:

Today was fast as well.

PT in the morning, and it was bookout to Singapore Discovery Center!
Army Museum (which was quite interesting and amazing)
Want to go on a overseas peacekeeping/humanitarian aid mission if I have the chance!

Tour to SAFTI as well. (didn't know it was open to the public haha)

To Lead, To Excel, To Overcome.
How can I lead and overcome challenges if I don't excel?
Must make sure I am up there before trying.
Well, OCS is still far from sight, not sure if I can make it anymore.
Kenneth was saying how my confidence is wavering hahaha.
but oh well, fighting spirit, and a little bit more consistency, perserverence, and initiative.

I'm becoming very insensitive towards others - need to start keeping myself in check.

Had dinner with section 4/Platoon 3 peeps @ Carl's Jr.
HAHAHA SHIT gained back all the weight I shed.
but HECK HAHAHAHA.

well, I'm back here at home.
Avengers with Class peeps tmr, and outing with leona Bree and JJ on Sunday.
and book in!

May Batch coming in next week.
and the real challenge starts - PTP ends, and BMT phase starts next week.

Need to start fighting harder, harder HARDER.





keep fighting.

Check-up

can't seem to think of a title for this post.

very tired now.

Well, fast, hectic but long week.

1. First Stand-by-Universe on Thursday cause someone from our sister company Falcon lost his magazine (not 8-days etc, but a weapon part) and they had to search the entire cluster for it (and still not found)

Well, God bless him. lol.

2. Road March this week!
It was good! Morale was high, everyone was keeping good pace.
Well, I must admit that it was mostly due to CPT Fong leading the platoon in cadence.
Not a guardsman for nothing. He made us echo and sing whatever he sang for more than 2km without stopping to think of another song.
That is called professionalism I swear.

Really have to learn how to bring the morale of the team up.
Morale is key. It is like fire when cooking a soup.
Too little, or too much is not good.
But just the right fire will make whatever that stops us, burn to ashes.

3. Current Affairs discussion this week: If you were the pilot, would you have dropped the A-bomb on Japan?

First thing that came to my mind - Yes.
I was so convinced at first that it was a necessary evil to drop the bomb.
I would have dropped the bomb. As many times needed to end the war.

They deserved it. They are a evil nation who wanted to gain at the expense of others.
And whoever is part of that nation shall die.

But no.

We are supposed to fight for people who cannot protect themselves.
yes - civilians; those on the enemy's side as well.
What makes the lives of people in my country more important than the lives of people in other countries?

But what about those who were killed and raped and destroyed by the Japs?
were they not innocent?
The Japs deserved it.
Yes, they are civillians, but everyone knows there are consequences; positives and negative ones, for every decision one makes.
Since they benefited from the war, the civilians should go down with the war as well.
Blast them, blast them all.

And then, I thought of everyone I loved getting blasted by the A-bomb.

fuck.

they didn't have a choice - it was the leaders who made the mistakes, not them.

In the end, I still submitted the assignment saying 'yes, I'll drop the bomb."
But this is a question worth thinking about.

What happened to caring for everyone, what happened to the universal brotherhood I believed in?
What happened to the humility I've always believed everyone should have?

need to check myself.

4. the PFTs says that I have very bad posture.
Realised it now.
need to correct it.

5. chanced upon the midshipmen course on cyber-pioneer. its essentially ocs for the navy)
Interesting and cool. haha. AND I SAW FERRON in the videos! Its really damn cool.

Had PC interview last night, talked to PC.
well, I'm really far from what I want.

its how badly I want it, how much i am willing to work hard for it.

I'm fighting for what I want, which is good.
But, I got to fight harder.

need some time alone to myself.
don't feel like talking to anyone, or going out.

dropped out from guitar performance, declined to go out with friends. (while I can't make it for the ones I really wanna see)
well, hope I can get things sorted out soon.

6. Have guard duty on Labour Day.
Well, actually not my guard duty, but covering for someone haha.
anyway, if you are reading this, you better have a good day out alright! (:

7. stop snacking.

8. short week ahead!
hope it'll pass by fast.
BMT is starting to get more fun.
and more stressful.

need to keep my mental state of mind in check.

9. really sleepy.
will sleep now. (2259 already. usually light out 20mins before now)

10. long weekend ahead (well, longer than usual i suppose)
Will restock on supplies and music (:

11. Well, havn't thought of a title, so sha-
okay wait, have a title already (:

bye.