I went out to buy a laptop today. $999. 1k gone )': So while I'm updating the new laptop, I'm blogging on the old one.
Been spending a lot recently, its scary. Wonder how my savings can last me for the next four years in uni )':
USP hasn't replied me about my application. I'm really interested in their programme!! ): Oh well, there's still one last week, so lets hope for the best.
Its only been six days since I ended my contract at TJ, and I'm quite bored already. But I've set out to do several things so I hope I get to accomplish them.
Can't wait for life to start moving. Next big thing for me is Scamp, which is from the 16-20 June!! Looking forward to it :))))
Went down to A*STAR for my project on Tuesday, and yup a little setback there, but I learnt not to be daunted by the complicated symbols and equations etc.
Went out for a run just yesterday, and I've deproved a lot. Wonder how I completed that 21km last year. SIGH.
Went for an eye checkup at Ngee Ann Polytechnic today as well. One of the students at the Optometry Centre helped check my eyes, and I've been prescribed glasses. No more perfect eyesight.. HAHAH SIGH. Shall get them when I'm free too.
Came back home for lunch, before realising that there was an IT fair today, so went down to EXPO shortly after I finished lunch. Went down, hunted for a laptop, chop chop got out of the place. Don't like crowded places.
Anyway, LEMMI BITCH ABOUT WINDOWS 8!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR
Oh wait.. my update is done. kthxbye HAHAHA.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
Its been slightly more than 2 months since I've ORDed.
Been working on College Day back at TJ, and the work is alright.
Been making progress for my project at A*STAR. hopefully it'll turn out well.
Submitted my essays for USP and NUS Scholarships, and was granted an interview for USP on 7 April and an interview on 22 April.
Received a reply, and was awarded the Kent Ridge Undergraduate Scholarship on 29 April, one week after the interview. Really very privileged for the opportunity, and I will do my best.
Still waiting for USP's reply, but that is an bonus I guess. Interview for it didn't go very well (as seen from last post).
Well, gtg have work later.
can't wait for school to start. anticipating the start of school so much.
Been working on College Day back at TJ, and the work is alright.
Been making progress for my project at A*STAR. hopefully it'll turn out well.
Submitted my essays for USP and NUS Scholarships, and was granted an interview for USP on 7 April and an interview on 22 April.
Received a reply, and was awarded the Kent Ridge Undergraduate Scholarship on 29 April, one week after the interview. Really very privileged for the opportunity, and I will do my best.
Still waiting for USP's reply, but that is an bonus I guess. Interview for it didn't go very well (as seen from last post).
Well, gtg have work later.
can't wait for school to start. anticipating the start of school so much.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
A complete lack of honesty.
Its been some time since I've written properly on this space.
I've been fretting about what to write for my USP admissions essay. Despite me brainstorming for months and working on it since December, I've yet to identify a topic to work on. Its been almost 4 months, and it is so frustrating and worrying, but I can't do anything about it. I really tried so hard to start writing, but nothing comes out.
I don't know what the problem is, but I know this not my fickle mind at work. I've told many people about my inability to come up with something, and all of them told me the same thing. Write about something you really care and are passionate about. But I tried, and I just can't write.
I don't feel qualified to write about anything. ANYTHING AT ALL.
Not even something I care about. Not even Science. not even Physics.
I just feel inadequate to write. I am afraid to write and claim that I understand a certain topic.
Maybe I'm afraid that I'd be like the NUS interview all over again where the interviewers trashed me all over. The stakes are high this time; because I really want to get into the programme. It means a lot to me, and I am afraid.
I can't remember the last time I've been this afraid. I've never been this afraid before. Because I was a self-entitled person, it felt like I could get whatever I wanted. I didn't get everything, like the Founders' Award in Sec 4 (which was quite a big deal; made me cry for 2 weeks) and getting in VJ, but I had compensation, and became Best Boy and got into TJ. Other than that, I got whatever I wanted most of the time. Excellent O level results, leadership positions, awards, and decent a level grades.
The last two years was a different thing though. I failed time after time, again and again. It was like that for Command School; I really wanted to enter OCS/SCS so much. It was like that for NUS Scholarships; got trashed in the interview room. It was like that for Cambridge, and it was like that throughout my 2 years stay in 3DA.
I got afraid and questioned my self-worth, and realised that I'm not worth much in the first place. That is why I no longer feel qualified to write.
I didn't realise this at first. I thought that I was doing fine, because at the very least, I had a plan, and I thought I knew what I was doing. Things didn't look as bright anymore after I thought through my plans while doing my scholarship essays. I know I want to do Physics, but other than that, I don't know anything else.
Realising that I'm as lost as everyone else is a big shock, especially after two years of thinking through my plans, and about god, and everything else, and thinking that I have a clearer picture of things.
I will have to check my footing again, and hopefully I'll be quick enough not to fall.
While writing this post, I realised that I haven't written about how I felt for the past 3/4 years. Even when I was in TJ, most of the posts that I were about what happened, and not about how I felt about it.
I haven't been this honest with myself for a very long time.
Its been a while.
I've been fretting about what to write for my USP admissions essay. Despite me brainstorming for months and working on it since December, I've yet to identify a topic to work on. Its been almost 4 months, and it is so frustrating and worrying, but I can't do anything about it. I really tried so hard to start writing, but nothing comes out.
I don't know what the problem is, but I know this not my fickle mind at work. I've told many people about my inability to come up with something, and all of them told me the same thing. Write about something you really care and are passionate about. But I tried, and I just can't write.
I don't feel qualified to write about anything. ANYTHING AT ALL.
Not even something I care about. Not even Science. not even Physics.
I just feel inadequate to write. I am afraid to write and claim that I understand a certain topic.
Maybe I'm afraid that I'd be like the NUS interview all over again where the interviewers trashed me all over. The stakes are high this time; because I really want to get into the programme. It means a lot to me, and I am afraid.
I can't remember the last time I've been this afraid. I've never been this afraid before. Because I was a self-entitled person, it felt like I could get whatever I wanted. I didn't get everything, like the Founders' Award in Sec 4 (which was quite a big deal; made me cry for 2 weeks) and getting in VJ, but I had compensation, and became Best Boy and got into TJ. Other than that, I got whatever I wanted most of the time. Excellent O level results, leadership positions, awards, and decent a level grades.
The last two years was a different thing though. I failed time after time, again and again. It was like that for Command School; I really wanted to enter OCS/SCS so much. It was like that for NUS Scholarships; got trashed in the interview room. It was like that for Cambridge, and it was like that throughout my 2 years stay in 3DA.
I got afraid and questioned my self-worth, and realised that I'm not worth much in the first place. That is why I no longer feel qualified to write.
I didn't realise this at first. I thought that I was doing fine, because at the very least, I had a plan, and I thought I knew what I was doing. Things didn't look as bright anymore after I thought through my plans while doing my scholarship essays. I know I want to do Physics, but other than that, I don't know anything else.
Realising that I'm as lost as everyone else is a big shock, especially after two years of thinking through my plans, and about god, and everything else, and thinking that I have a clearer picture of things.
I will have to check my footing again, and hopefully I'll be quick enough not to fall.
While writing this post, I realised that I haven't written about how I felt for the past 3/4 years. Even when I was in TJ, most of the posts that I were about what happened, and not about how I felt about it.
I haven't been this honest with myself for a very long time.
Its been a while.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
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