High Hopes

Broken bottles in the hotel lobby
Seems to me like I'm just scared of never feeling it again
I know it's crazy to believe in silly things
But it's not that easy

I remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started
But I've only got myself to blame for it, and I accept it now
It's time to let it go, go out and start again
But it's not that easy

But I've got high hopes, it takes me back to when we started
High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again
High hopes, when it all comes to an end
But the world keeps spinning around

And in my dreams, I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone
Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon
Naïve I was just staring at the barrel of a gun
And I do believe that, yeah

But I've got high hopes, it takes me back to when we started
High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again
High hopes, oh, when it all comes to an end
Now the world keeps spinning
Yeah, the world keeps spinning around

High hopes, it takes me back to when we started
High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again
High hopes, oh,
And the world keeps spinning
Ooh, yeah, this world keeps spinning

How this world keeps spinning around

Take Care, Take Care

I used to leave no notification unchecked - Whatsapp, messenger, email, whatever. But ever since the passing of XXX, I've stopped checking or carrying on conversations as much. I've stopped promptly replying to things. I've left more things hanging and unattended to. I've stopped doing a lot of things that would ideally provide any form of catharsis. I've stopped writing or taking care of my artist or really, myself. I've stopped doing anything remotely creative. I turn up for things as planned, and submit work that is necessary. I don't know what to do in social situations. I've never really known how to make small talk, and I'm even worse at it now. I actually really am an internal ball of anxiety on a day-to-day basis. I feel big emotions within me that sprint very quickly from one to another. From anger to grief to jealousy to immense joy and back down to absolute loneliness. Other times, I generally just feel a sense of disconnect. And maybe all these has something to do with their passing and maybe it doesn't. And that's okay, I'm working on it. Somehow.

Let's do better.

Its hot as hell today.

Been reflecting on the past semester, and to be honest, I feel a tinge of regret about how things actually turned out.

The things I regretted were mostly academic, like how I didn't write my report for SP3172 properly, or giving a shit about PC2130 (QM) or SP3175 (The Earth).
But I guess I wouldn't have had the motivation to do so even if I went back in time.

This semester has reflected a general lack of self-discipline in my life, and I realise that I really need to get my shit together HAHA.

But I guess its okay; that we all slip sometimes and we lose our purpose along the way. What matters is that we find it, and we carry on. Feel strangely re-energised after everything ended, and I'm really looking to the next semester.

On another note, I've been thinking about how isolated I've been feeling recently, and that I'd actually be very lonely without Booraya. I suppose I have other friends, but everyone is busy with their own lives and I don't really want to burden them with my emotional baggage haha. I'd give alot more to be able to spend time with them, but I don't wanna get clingy. Because things never turn out well when I get clingy.

But nvm, need to focus. For now, its damage control for this semester, and lets do better for the next sem :)

Lets go :)

Moving on.

So, today was the final day I have left before holiday activities start and the mad rush begins again. Spent it clearing my room, and disposing of my A level JC notes as well as notes from the past academic year.

Brought back some nostalgia. and looked through past photos as well. I've really changed I guess. Used to be really hot-headed and all in secondary school, but mellowed down subsequently during JC. I suppose I have to thank 24/10, without whom I would have stayed hot-headed and bad-tempered. Thank you guys for being so accepting and tolerant of my nonsense for the past 5 years.

I don't really know why I am writing this now, but I really miss everyone. And I'm really thankful for them, as well as how things turned out after we graduated. I would do several things differently if I were to have the chance to repeat the journey, but who knows what I'll change in the process huh.

Really, thank you guys, and miss y'all. Don't know how I'd manage without y'all.

Results in a few hours. Prep for USP OGL camp tomorrow, and SCAMP prep camp wednesday to friday. Let's go. :)

这些年，那些年。

请别让历史重演。