Caffeinated awareness.

And so, I thought I'd write something here.

It's in the wee hours of the morning, and I'm in the common lounge trying to brainstorm ideas for my writing mod. Its already the last day of school tomorrow (read: today), but I've felt that I've not accomplished much this semester because I've felt really burnt out throughout this semester.

I wasted my draft because I was caught up with all my other deadlines. And maybe because I procrastinated. A LOT. And so I'm now suffering the consequences.

I've been thinking a lot about a certain someone recently; someone whom I used to talk a lot to, but no longer keep in contact with. Its a strange feeling, because I sorta miss her presence and talking to her, and I keep thinking about our conversations during long bus rides home. Its been 5 years since we first met, and time really flashed by without our giving us due notice. And soon enough, another 5 years will flash by.

I've also been rethinking my priorities and my future plans, and I'm really reconsidering my pursuit of a research career. To be honest, I never had a doubt about pursuing scientific research as a career, because I felt like I could do physics for the rest of my life. However, events that happened the past year has led me to rethink whether this is really all worth it. So what if I knew what black holes do when they collide together? So what?

I've also been considering the prospect of falling in love with someone, committing to someone for the rest of my life, and settling down for good. Will I have enough energy and time to make her happy if I do pursue research? Will the 5/7 years I spend on a PhD be worth it? Will I neglect and sacrifice quality time with everyone I love? Just because I like black holes or galaxies or nebulae? Just because?

The past year has really changed me huh? But its good I suppose. I've really enjoyed myself the past year, and maybe my priorities changed and I don't want to give up anything anymore.

Anyway, its 5.36am now, so don't take my words too seriously here.

Here's hoping that my stars will align.

Here's a short post then. Ciaos.

Dream Big

Come'on, don't stop here.

take care, take care.

Was talking to someone that I would consider a good friend a few days ago. Apart from talking about music and post-rock (haha common interests), we talked about how we are doing now and random nonsense.

What really struck me was how crestfallen and jaded he was because he isn't doing so well even though he is trying very hard already. It reminded me that sometimes it is not all about trying your best, because what happens when you try your best, and you aren't good enough? How broken will you be when that happens?

Of course, it reminded me of how I felt when I didn't make the cut the last time, be it in tekong or for founders. And it reminded me that i should put in my best to achieve what I wanted.

So this is a reminder, that let's not take doing well for granted; work hard and try your best for the things you want. Need to remember this, especially since this semester will be tough.

So many people got filtered out of the education system, and we are here, at the very top. So let's not take it for granted.

Supposed to watch lecture and do quizzes for SP2174, but procrastinated and read manga instead. I'm tired, but let's make this effort worthwhile.

A short note.

Hi there. Not sure if anyone drops by this space anymore, but hi to whoever is reading this.

I've been wanting to write here for a very long time. Tried a few times, but words get choked up after two sentences.

Been going to school and out with friends the past week, and finally had time to sleep in today.

Woke up at 2, and been lazing around since. 

Mulled over what has been a hectic but quiet semester, and besides turning my sleep cycle upside down, the past six months since dad left made me develop a sense of self-pity. I kept on thinking that because life had dealt me bad cards, good cards will come along soon. I waited for bad days to pass, and happy days to come, and when happy days come, I waited for happier days to come. 

I just could not feel satisfied with what life gave me, and life felt sluggish and stagnant. The past week of outings and fun did cheer me up, and made me realise that if I want things, I have to make them. I want fun; make fun. I want time; make time. I want results; make results.

I'm sorry to people whom I've let down the past semester. Especially to closer friends.

Will try to be a more pro-active and happier person :)

Week 2.

It has been 3 weeks since school started! Haven't been writing here for the longest time, so here's an update!

1. Was initially on waiting list for Science O'Week '14, but I got in in the end! My OG's name was Boo (The baby girl from Monster Inc.), and had fun with them! The group was a little quiet at the start, but I think everyone opened up at the end :))) Had 8 Physics majors in my OG (MWAHAHAHA), so sorta had more common topics with these guys too. :))) Haiman and Kit, who were my seniors from scamp, were my seniors from sow too! Just glad that I had a good time. 

To top it all up, Boo got the best OG award (YAY), and got the best SP OG award too! Thank you everyone for giving me a good time at SOW, as well as at Night Rider, Flag Day and Rag day :)

2. My 2 month old laptop crashed on me after I returned from OWeek )': sent it for repair and hope nothing else happens :((((

3. Received news that i got into SPS while at Night Rider. (HAHAHA that was 4am in the morning.) News came through e-mail of course. So far, its been good. Attended SPS Camp last weekend, and met amazing people there. Deeply humbled by the way they work, especially while preparing for the final performance. Hope to have an interesting and fulfilling time with you guys!

4. Received my acceptance e-mail from USP on Thursday evening on week 1. Its a little late since I missed O-week and all, but I'm glad I made it. Will be moving into Cinnamon next week, so looking forward to meeting the people there. (Its been a tiring week ending lessons at 8-9pm, especially since I don't have a room yet ): )

I am intimidated by my workload, but tell me something worth pursuing that is not intimidating. This chance wasn't easy to come by, and I'll give it my best shot.

This time, the stakes are different.

Looking forward!