Forelsket.

I had so many things on my mind the past week.
Been staring at the screen, wanting to write them down, but poof they went and disappeared into thin air.

not sure if that is good.
But nah those thought don't matter I guess.
trivial and insignificant musings lol. _________________________________________________________

Anyway, I had this dream which I remembered so clearly. (though I cant remember much now ): )
I don't usually remember dreams, but it left such a deep impression on me.

I don't usually remember dreams.
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 I was on a bus in the late evening.
The sky had so many shades of blue.

The interior of the bus was all white, and I was standing near the door.
The lights changed colour all of the sudden and the walls became yellow, and I heard someone call for me.

It was all yellow.

Before I could turn behind, the person walked in front of me.
It was a girl. yes, a GIRL. (yes that was my reaction)
 I don't know how to describe her, but she was just real pretty.

That is all I can remember - long hair, small eyes (the pretty type of small), pretty features, and soft voice with a firm tone.

She smiled.

And she said, "Hi, my name is Cheryl."

I wanted to say hi back, to wave back at her or something, but I stayed rooted to the ground.
I couldn't move. I was paralysed.

"What is your number?"

"********."

"I'll see you 9.30am tomorrow morning for breakfast?"

She smiled, and she alighted the bus.
Her smile was pretty.

 The doors closed, and the walls turned blue. and I woke up. _________________________________________________________

Well, don't judge me.
 I was very happy though cause that was the first time someone actually asked me out for a breakfast date haha. (well too bad it isn't real.) and before you think that I'm falling in love with a virtual character I made up in my head, sorry I'm not.

I couldn't breathe when she talked to me.
not sure if because she was talking to me, or because I didn't know how to react and stopped everything I was doing. (including breathing)

Well, the dream reminded me of the time when a person first meets someone, and becomes curious about them. And the thought of being together strikes him.

It isn't falling in love per se I guess, but I guess it is close.

Forelsket (Danish): The euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love.

And after I woke up I started thinking about people whom gave me that feeling before.
and I started thinking again.

Well, it is a good feeling.
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This post isn't turning out the way I expected it to.
haha nah doesn't matter.

watched hellboy 2, the pursuit of happyness and inception during duty on friday.
Pursuit of happyness was good. (:
Made me realise how hard it is for people to make it big.

So many hours, so many days, so many sleepless nights.
So many disappointments, so many heartbreaks.

 and here I am doing nothing with my life.

oh well.

2.23am.

Gotta sleep.

Something that speaks true.

I feel that I am letting everyone down.

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Hanged out with titus and the guys yesterday.
sort of impromptu but since I was free I went to meet with them.
Talked a little bit about their various vocations and yeah I'm really glad I'm in the air force.
GBAD has a shit life but it is not the worst so I guess I should be thankful?
(other vocations being recce, engineers and infantry HAHA)

Things are going well in camp (I guess?)
Started duties, split into platoons, and changing bunks the next week.
Got promoted (LCP nia lol), and watched our seniors ORD-ed.
well, just one more year.
One more year to do all that I want to do.

Well, got reminded of old stuff again.
Its normal, isn't it?
I mean.. who doesn't get reminded about old stuff buried at the back of your head after talking to old friends?

Scrolled through my archives on facebook yesterday night and I realised that if facebook were to die one day, so much of my memories would die with it.
Oh social media.

Have been attempting to do a self-awareness check and I realised that I don't know so much about myself.
I did realise that I am still the same person I was years ago; I havn't changed much.
Does this console? Should it? Does it? I don't know. hahah.
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I've been thinking about my inability to write as fluently as other people, and realised that I have a few issues that I really need to address.

1. Lack of exposure.
Yes, it is true that there is no need for one to have a huge vocabulary bank to write well.
However, my vocabulary is too limited for me to express my ideas.

2. Lack of personal touch and style
This includes my lack in confidence in my own writing as well.

3. Inability to identify with my senses and feelings.
Maybe I let them slip me by too often or maybe I let them linger around for too long without grasping them.

4. Inability to be perfectly honest with myself.
Well, I am too stubborn. (But is it really THAT bad?)
Maybe I lack the courage, or maybe it is because I have no reason to be honest; no one to be honest with.
well, not an excuse.

5. My lack of imagination.
SIGH.

oh well.

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I'm not putting enough effort to spend time with family.

My dad has been giving too much attention. (so much that I'm getting a little uncomfortable)

I used to complain that he doesn't understand me etc etc, but these days he has been trying to talk to me etc etc.

He comes into my room once every hour and talks to me about SCIENCE.

can you believe it? Science!!! Defence Science, mechanics, chemistry, earth sciences, material sciences, physics, environmental biology... EVERYTHING.

And while I appreciate his efforts to understand why I am so interested in science, I am getting a little uncomfortable about it cause I cannot do what I want since he always interrupts me while I am doing other stuff.

But I guess it is good huh.

I do disagree with what he says half the time, but it does makes me think why certain things are the way they are etc.

he has several factual errors, but he does have insights to things which I don't.

so, I have much to learn huh.

I do feel bad about it cause I'll subconsciously give the 'uninterested' look (cause I'm focused on something else and don't like to be interrupted) but I really appreciate it.

So thanks dad (:

heh.

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I was supposed to clean my room, but procrastinated again.

OH WELL.

next week then. haha.

Speed Limit.

Went to shop with Daddy today.

Bought my DS, (which is faulty), and a acoustic guitar (dad insisted on me picking one and there're problems with the strings) hahaha. sighh Its just my bad luck, all the time.

Regardless, I had a nice day.
Usually I would crank up when so many things screw up on me, but I am still glad that I went out today cause I got to spend time with my dad and just talk.

Our temperaments are so similar it scares me (though I worry about everything - got the worry gene from my mum - while he worries about nothing. or at least he doesn't show it)

well, good day spent. (:

A Wild Idea.

Must dos:
- Self awareness Check.

Want to dos:
- Writing
- Guitar
- Photography
- Cooking
- Kayaking
- Fitness
- Academics
- Driving
- First Aid
- Movies

About to get very busy. Ambitious, yes, but I want to do as much as I can.

That time.

This is it.

I never thought that I'd feel this way again.

I've been thinking about it for the past few weeks.
or has it been months?

Can't remember.
Its been ringing in my mind for such a long time.


Its was like last time.. again..

Excessive thinking does me no good.

Is my memory taking control again?
What if I remember it all wrongly, and it is all in the past?
and time and time again and again I am being lead to the wrong place, to the wrong conclusion?



Everything is falling.. even me.

Oh, Impossible dream.