Something that speaks true.

I feel that I am letting everyone down.

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Hanged out with titus and the guys yesterday.
sort of impromptu but since I was free I went to meet with them.
Talked a little bit about their various vocations and yeah I'm really glad I'm in the air force.
GBAD has a shit life but it is not the worst so I guess I should be thankful?
(other vocations being recce, engineers and infantry HAHA)

Things are going well in camp (I guess?)
Started duties, split into platoons, and changing bunks the next week.
Got promoted (LCP nia lol), and watched our seniors ORD-ed.
well, just one more year.
One more year to do all that I want to do.

Well, got reminded of old stuff again.
Its normal, isn't it?
I mean.. who doesn't get reminded about old stuff buried at the back of your head after talking to old friends?

Scrolled through my archives on facebook yesterday night and I realised that if facebook were to die one day, so much of my memories would die with it.
Oh social media.

Have been attempting to do a self-awareness check and I realised that I don't know so much about myself.
I did realise that I am still the same person I was years ago; I havn't changed much.
Does this console? Should it? Does it? I don't know. hahah.
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I've been thinking about my inability to write as fluently as other people, and realised that I have a few issues that I really need to address.

1. Lack of exposure.
Yes, it is true that there is no need for one to have a huge vocabulary bank to write well.
However, my vocabulary is too limited for me to express my ideas.

2. Lack of personal touch and style
This includes my lack in confidence in my own writing as well.

3. Inability to identify with my senses and feelings.
Maybe I let them slip me by too often or maybe I let them linger around for too long without grasping them.

4. Inability to be perfectly honest with myself.
Well, I am too stubborn. (But is it really THAT bad?)
Maybe I lack the courage, or maybe it is because I have no reason to be honest; no one to be honest with.
well, not an excuse.

5. My lack of imagination.
SIGH.

oh well.

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I'm not putting enough effort to spend time with family.

My dad has been giving too much attention. (so much that I'm getting a little uncomfortable)

I used to complain that he doesn't understand me etc etc, but these days he has been trying to talk to me etc etc.

He comes into my room once every hour and talks to me about SCIENCE.

can you believe it? Science!!! Defence Science, mechanics, chemistry, earth sciences, material sciences, physics, environmental biology... EVERYTHING.

And while I appreciate his efforts to understand why I am so interested in science, I am getting a little uncomfortable about it cause I cannot do what I want since he always interrupts me while I am doing other stuff.

But I guess it is good huh.

I do disagree with what he says half the time, but it does makes me think why certain things are the way they are etc.

he has several factual errors, but he does have insights to things which I don't.

so, I have much to learn huh.

I do feel bad about it cause I'll subconsciously give the 'uninterested' look (cause I'm focused on something else and don't like to be interrupted) but I really appreciate it.

So thanks dad (:

heh.

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I was supposed to clean my room, but procrastinated again.

OH WELL.

next week then. haha.

Speed Limit.

Went to shop with Daddy today.

Bought my DS, (which is faulty), and a acoustic guitar (dad insisted on me picking one and there're problems with the strings) hahaha. sighh Its just my bad luck, all the time.

Regardless, I had a nice day.
Usually I would crank up when so many things screw up on me, but I am still glad that I went out today cause I got to spend time with my dad and just talk.

Our temperaments are so similar it scares me (though I worry about everything - got the worry gene from my mum - while he worries about nothing. or at least he doesn't show it)

well, good day spent. (:

A Wild Idea.

Must dos:
- Self awareness Check.

Want to dos:
- Writing
- Guitar
- Photography
- Cooking
- Kayaking
- Fitness
- Academics
- Driving
- First Aid
- Movies

About to get very busy. Ambitious, yes, but I want to do as much as I can.

That time.

This is it.

I never thought that I'd feel this way again.

I've been thinking about it for the past few weeks.
or has it been months?

Can't remember.
Its been ringing in my mind for such a long time.


Its was like last time.. again..

Excessive thinking does me no good.

Is my memory taking control again?
What if I remember it all wrongly, and it is all in the past?
and time and time again and again I am being lead to the wrong place, to the wrong conclusion?



Everything is falling.. even me.

Oh, Impossible dream.

Selectivity.

Don't know how to start this post. haha.

Met up with the BB guys 2 weeks ago.
had dinner at chomp chomp, went to a bar for soccer match (haha my first time at a bar) and updated each other on our boring lives.

oh we saw Jessica Liu at the bar. HAHAHAHA.

Anyway, we talked a little about the past; our time in 48th, Louis Mok, and little bits here and there about how people are doing now.
Well, bits of stuff that I forgot came back to me when we talked.. and it was mostly the unhappy stuff.
I seemed as if as I had amnesia or something.. I never recalled all these unhappy events on my own.
Must have caused me quite a lot of pain huh.. haha.
It never occurred to me that I have been remembering people and events so selectively.

I guess that it must have been a defence mechanism of some sort to prevent myself from staying depressed.

Well, not that this is bad or anything...
Both the SAF and BB are uniformed organisations after all, so I guess the two must have some parallels, and I realised that whatever happened to me in BB is happening to me now as well, and that I can deal with this.
I just need to remember to hang in there for the people who are worth it,

Anyway, I got my new phone last week. (6 months late!!)
Model is Huawei U8860, and well, so far so good. (:
The only annoying thing is that I cannot blog using my phone cause blogger refuses to load, so i shall see if there are any mobile platforms for me to write on.

until next time then.