"The light that burns twice as brightly burns half as long."

ughhh such a bad headache!

here to write down whatever has been happening in the little bit of life I have left.

my memory capacity has recently degraded to that of a goldfish's.

so anyway, sign language class with Vivi, Les Miserables with the class, BBQ with guitar peeps, dinner with Melvyn Sim (whom I havn't met for so long), WP winning over Punggol East, and Jersey Boys with Mingxuan, Tiong Ann and Martin today. (:

First month of the year is almost over.

I still have so much I want to do.

ten years down the road, SAF will be the least of my damned problems.

Addiction.

“My first love was like smoking - Both bad habits and both totally seductive - and as time goes by, my addiction to both lingers until they intertwine, interchange, become inseparable in my mind - forming a nostalgia on the brain, for which there is no cure."

- Bill Hicks

my heart skipped a beat today when..
nvm.

but it felt good.

well, I do regret it a little.
though I know it isn't meant to be.

like there was something there trying to pull me back.

16428 unread emails

Lately I have been thinking about my take on society, and people.

I felt so compelled to write about it this afternoon, but couldn't connect to the net.

And now I can't connect the dots.

I've been feeling upset about so many things you know. And it bothers me.

I seem to be the only one who is unhappy with the way people interact with each other. Now, it seems like I am the one who is the problem.

I just feel that the way everyone is behaving is not befitting of their age. They have childish squabbles, they bear grudges, they fight and quarrel over trivial matters (or at least that is what I deem trivial). Won't you just shut up already. Don't you know better than to be so insensitive to someone? Where is the courtesy and tact?

"Oh, I don't need to show respect to people like them."

And you complain that people don't treat you like a civilised human being. Of course they don't! You aren't one!

Of course, I won't deny the fact that I'm part of some of these petty fights myself.

I am as immature as everyone who participates in such childish squabbles.

But, firstly, I don't do childish things like what people do (like going around destroying people's self-esteem) and secondly, I still respect each and everyone as an individual. Yes, I don't agree with you most of the time, but you have virtues that I don't have, and I have certain attributes that makes me a different person. We just don't go well together, okay?

But since I am part of all of this (the childish squabbles), let us presume that I don't know any better, as compared to everyone else. (Maybe I really don't; that is the only reason why I'm in this shit!)

The next logical step would be to think of someone who knows better; someone who is more mature and rational who can help solve all the mess we childish people have created.

But, no one else know any better! Look at everyone around you. Does anyone know anyone better? No!

Those mature adults that we as young children thought knew better. Do they really know what is best?

The old men and women who experienced so much in the many decades they have lived. Do they know what is best?

No, they don't!

Look at the divorced couple who are fighting for their rightful share of money in what used to be their shared account, or look at the brothers who refuse to forgive each other because something that wasn't in either man's control happened 68 years ago.

Do these people know better?
No they don't!

Those mature adults whom you thought knew what was going on when you were young.. they don't know what the heck is going on! No one does!

And here we are, at the VIP seats of this freak show called life, where no one knows what the hell is going on. (We don't know if hell exists too, but that I something else to talk about)

You know how they say that we will always be children of God? Yup, well forever be childish.

And since no one actually know what is best, I have come to a conclusion that I should follow only myself.

Wisdom, strong and independent thought, that is what I want to train myself to develop. And I will do it. This only strengthened my resole not to work for anyone other than myself, and I hope this dream can cone true.

Till next time then.

Life is such a bitch. Existence is such a bane. Dad was right.

But he doesn't know any better than anyone.

straw, lollipop, whatever.

And so this is my first successful attempt in blogging on my phone.

You know, this really is one of the shittest periods of my life. 

Yes, I know that it is nothing as compared to what other people may be facing. But still, it just sucks.

Just let me rant for a little bit alright? I'll get back to my sucky life after this.

Seeing everyone do better than you, while you are stuck in some place trying to do things for people who do clearly do not appreciate your efforts.

Seeing people around me falling out with  people who mean the most to them.

And lastly, seeing everyone enjoying their lives and having company that they appreciate and whom appreciates them.

This sucks.

And I gotta suck this up.

"Are you gonna aim for gold now??"

To all those Lance Corporals and Privates and Recruits(who got retained due to OOC or some other reason) of the 2012 enlistment batch, I think I can safely say that it wasn't a good feeling watching people of your batch having their SCS-graduation parade or Commissioning parades in the past few weeks, not because of jealousy but because of that moment in Tekong when you were inches shy of that 216 or 225 mark. Because you couldn't pull that last pull up despite all those strength training you had.
I have to admit, I didn't feel good at all watching Ah Boys To Man with all that emphasis on OCS. I wanted to go there, or at the very least SCS so that I can don a white vest, hold up a sword or at least have some sort of leadership role I can learn from and BE PROUD OF.

There's still a year or so (or less for the batches who enlisted before march) to go till we ORD. Let's stop bemoaning this and that and start learning, start taking pride in what we do. Don't let SAF tell us the limits of our ability. Start picking up books, start giving more in our daily life. Start learning from the officers and sergeants, especially those who are ORDing in around 2 months time!

POP can be the sadly the ONLY highlight of your army life, OR YOU CAN ADD MORE TO THAT EXPERIENCE. You may not be part of the parades, may not puff your chest out proudly as you don on a black bar or three chevrons on your chest but you can still take pride in yourself by being the best you can in every day life. No matter what vocation you are in, no matter what kind of shit work you do(I pick up paintbrushes to paint tattered boats just for someone else's parade), YOU CAN ALWAYS DO YOURSELF PROUD IN THE THINGS YOU DO IF YOU PUT IN YOUR BEST EFFORT. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR THAT.

To all the new officers and sergeants in the house, I congratulate you and hope I can learn more from you in the upcoming months to come. :) Proud of you guys.

To all the "man" serving NS,
You don't have to be in "man-mode" because it is an insult to your ability,
We are not born to follow,
Thats an insult, don't let SAF tell you your place,
Salute our superiors for they have undergone training beyond wildest imagine,
But give yourself a chance to prove your worth,
give yourself a salute for your efforts and sacrifice and time,
"Once in our life, 2 years of our time"
DO OURSELVES PROUD,
DON'T LET YOUR RANK PUT YOU DOWN,
TONIGHT IS BOOK IN NIGHT,
SO LETS HAVE A GOOD DAY IN PREPARATION FOR A MIGHTY GRAND WEEK AHEAD.

Lester you're the best (:

we shall see (: